


Will dreams come true?

by Anonymous



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Biting, Breeding, Breeding Kink, Come Eating, Come Marking, Come Swallowing, Dom/sub Undertones, Domestic, Dry Humping, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Bonding, Feral Rey (Star Wars), Fluff, Grinding, Kid Fic, Kylo Ren Redemption, Oral Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Possessive Ben Solo, Possessive Rey (Star Wars), Praise Kink, Protective Ben Solo, Protective Rey (Star Wars), Redeemed Ben Solo, Redemption, Rey Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Rich!Ben, Rough Sex, Single Parents, Smut, Vaginal Fingering, singlemom!rey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:33:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 28,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28100208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: On a Sunday, Ben meets Astra, the daughter of Rey, in a store. He has to help her find her mother. Rey and Ben feel an instant connection, but will she overcome her fear of abandonment and what will Snoke say about Ben forming connections to Rey and her daughter? (Edit 2021/02/22: I'm currently revising the already written chapters, then I will post the last two chapters.)
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 5
Kudos: 81
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay - I had plans for a different story, but somehow this one sneaked up onto me, and then I had to write it. It's also my first time writing smut, so I hope you can enjoy it and it's not too bad.  
> Working on Chapter 4, I noticed that I apparently had never really reread and corrected the first three chapters, so I'm doing that before Chapter 4 gets posted. Nothing content-wise was changed, but the language and wording is much better now.

Like every Sunday, Ben went shopping after a late start into the day. This had become his routine ever since he had left his uncle’s house in the middle of **that** night. In college, where he had changed his name, Ben had established Sunday as the day, where he needed to replenish his resources. That applied to food, and drinks, and everything else as well as personal energy. After his first breakdown had nearly brought him into the hospital, Ben had needed to force himself to incorporate this one day of rest into his everyday life.

Sunday was the one day he got a good and healthy breakfast and where he had enough time to make himself a beautiful and tasteful dinner. Not that he shared these meals with anyone – there was no one to share them with. But he wasn’t complaining. Ben told himself again and again, that he had no right to complain, not anymore.

He knew what he was doing for the First Order. He knew that it wasn’t exactly aligning with the values he had been taught and the values he had chosen for himself. Ben knew that the people who had taught him his values had been hypocritical workaholics, but that didn’t mean that his parents or Luke had been entirely wrong. Their methods just hadn't been strong enough. They had been too weak. For a long time, Ben had held that opion and it had been his stance when he had joined the First Order.

A few years prior to today, Ben – with deep horror filling his heart – had noticed that he had become like his parents. He, too, had become a hypocritical workaholic – the only, although significant, difference was that he had no family he was neglecting by working inhuman hours at the office.

However, that didn’t mean Ben was satisfied with his life – he hated what the First Order was standing for, he hated what he stood for. But his job was a means to an end. The day Snoke died, Ben would finally be free. And that day couldn’t be very far away anymore. Snoke looked more like a walking corpse than a living thing.

Then Ben would finally be free. Free from Snoke's predatory voice that haunted him even after he left the building of the First Order every day. Then he would finally be free to dream – to dream of the life he had longed for when he had been a child, a life he had pretended not to want anymore. Ben had no illusions that he could actually live that dream – too much had happened in his life and in his past. He had done too much wrong; he had survived too much pain and trauma. The end of his road had no happy ending.

Ben had seen this film before – he wasn’t the hero of the story; he was one of the bad guys. He might not like the ending that was assigned to his story, but it was his ending, and Ben had accepted that. He only hoped for a few years of freedom from Snoke, and beyond that he had no demands. Ben didn't plan beyond these few years of freedom. Beyond them laid only darkness. 

Only in dreams he saw a different future for himself. A future he had lost long ago. Dreams of it were all he had, they were his escape - at least in the nights in which nightmares weren’t plaguing him. Although this dream of a happy end, wasn’t a dream Ben was always happy to dream. This dream of family, of a home and children, this dream of someone who would love him, who would finally love him for him, not for what he could or should be. Sometimes this secret dream was haunting him similar to his bad dreams. Some nights Ben didn’t know which dream he liked less: the fear and terror the nightmares brought him or the utter happiness that this other dream would delude him with.

But at least Snoke couldn’t use these happy dreams against him. The old man had managed to extract a lot of Ben's hidden emotions, thoughts, fears and hopes. But not this one dream… That one Ben was hiding. That one was locked deep inside him. It was only his. His to cherish and remember. This dream Ben held holy. And it was true what they said about holiness, Ben reckoned. Holy things were fascinating and cheer-inspiring, and at the same terrifying and was rendering him speechless, making him tremble.

As Ben parked his car in front of the supermarket, he exhaled deeply. Until Snoke’s death, he was trapped. Until Snoke was dead, he would spend his Sundays recharging to be able to face his life during the following six days. With a deep sigh, he stepped out of his car and entered the store.

Pushing the shopping cart in front of him, Ben strolled through the aisles. He could afford to just order his groceries or shop somewhere more expensive, more luxurious, but Ben needed the sense of normalcy, that only shopping in a regular, average supermarket could give him. He feared he would lose himself, should he lose or forego this long-held tradition. The weekly time in a normal store, just doing grocery shopping like everyone else kept him sane.

Not that he was buying cheap stuff - on the contrary. He bought on the more expensive end of the price range the store offered. He also wasn’t really looking like he belonged in the midst of these everyday middle-class people. His black coat was obviously more expensive than others. His beige shirt was cashmere – Sunday was the only day Ben wore neither a suit nor a completely black getup. He still wasn't wearing something colorful, but at least it wasn’t black – just another thing meant to keep him sane.

Because of his scowl and his imposing posture, he usually had no problem finishing his shopping trip rather quickly. No one was interrupting him, and most people automatically cleared the way for him. Ben used this to switch off his mind. He was just shopping, focusing on the groceries and whatever else he needed, absolutely ignoring everything else around him.

This was also the reason he wasn’t noticing _her_ at first. He was so used to sometimes hitting the shelves when he turned corners (sometimes there was simply not enough space for him). Even though he stood in the midst of an aisle and wasn’t moving and should have known he wasn't hitting shelves while turning corners, he hadn't noticed her when she first tried to get his attention. He was so focused on getting the right ingredients for his dinner, completely lost in his thoughts. But he was noticing her second try.

Something had tugged at his coat. Ben frowned and turned to see what had happened. But there was nothing. “Sorry,” he heard a small voice. Ben’s frown deepened and his mind was slowly trying to process all the information he was getting. The tug. The girlish and quiet voice, slightly teary. A child, his mind offered him as an explanation, a girl. Ben’s gaze wandered downward, searcing for the owner of the voice. And there he saw her.

In front of him stood a little girl. She couldn’t be older than six years. She wore her brown hair in three buns – a style Ben had never seen before. A pink raincoat covered her shoulders and her rain boots matched in color. “Can you help me?” The girl’s mouth had opened, and it had been her voice Ben had heard, he realized.

After these first moments of sluggishness, his mind suddenly went into overdrive. There was a _girl_ standing in front of him. A girl that needed _help_. She had asked _him_ for help. She wanted **_him_ **to help her. A child required help and had chosen him to be the adult to help him – out of everyone in the store she had asked him for help. Ben knew he had to help her. He would do anything to help her. She had asked him, and he would answer.

Ben kneeled in front of the girl. “Hi, sorry. How can I help you?” He wasn’t used to speak to children – he wasn’t really good at speaking to anyone, but with adults he had at least some experience on how to talk with them, how to use words, tone and body language to achieve what he wanted, but with a child…? He wanted to help, but he hadn’t _helped_ anyone in a long time. How did one help another human being? How did one help _a child_? Were there rules he had to follow?

Ben was nervous, but it seemed the girl in front of him was as nervous as he was – and she was close to crying. Ben could see the tears forming in the corner of her eyes. He tried to focus on the girl's anxiousness to quell his own. “I don’t know where my mom is?” The girl told him, and a sob escaped her. She clearly tried to stay calm, but got closer and closer to losing control on her emotions.

Oh, that wasn’t good, Ben thought. Children shouldn’t be separated from their parents – especially not against their will. Ben had intimate knowledge of the pain that the feeling of losing one’s parents caused. He was even more sure that he had to help that child. “And you want me to help you?” he asked her again.

The girl nodded. “You are tall,” she explained. Ben hummed his agreement. A far corner of his mind was impressed by the girl's genius to find someone who possessed properties that would help her search for her mother, instead of just asking the next best adult.

Ben tried to form a plan, so he wouldn't let the girl down. If they wanted to find the child’s mother, he needed to know how she looked like. And a name would be good. He asked the girl, if she knew the color of her mother’s hair, how tall she was, but she wasn’t really any help. She only told Ben that her mother was brunette too, and of medium height – at least that was how Ben translated her description.

“Okay, we will find your mom,” Ben assured her. “My name is Ben. Do you maybe know the name of your mom? Do other people call her a name besides 'mom'?” If they had a name, they could yell it, Ben thought, and then they would probably find her mom – if she wanted to be found. Ben so hoped the girl’s mom had just lost her in the crowd of the store and didn’t abandon her. “Aunt Rose calls her ‘Rey’, but Uncle Finn always says ‘Peanut’. But mom says that’s only a nickname.” The girl interrupted his thoughts.

‘Rey’ – Ben immediately liked the name. ‘Rey’ – a ray of light? ‘Rey’ – from ‘rei’ and ‘roi’ meaning king. It was a beautiful name. “That’s very good.” He smiled at the girl, ignoring the strange feeling of this unfamiliar movement of his lips. It had been long since he had last smiled like this – free, content, excited. He had more important things to do now: Find the girl’s mother. Find Rey.

“Okay, this is the plan. You climb on my shoulders and are the look-out. You know how your mother looks, maybe you will see her. I will look, too, but I don’t know your mother. And we both will be calling for her.” Happily, the girl nodded. The forming of tears seemed to have stopped now that they had a plan. “Can I pick you up and set you on my shoulders?” Ben asked the girl. It was a little bit weird to not know the girl’s name, but Ben didn’t know if he should ask her for it. He was completely improvising – and asking for a stranger’s child name seemed somewhat inappropriate without the presence of any kind of authority or parental figure. The girl knew his name, and he knew the name of the girl’s mother – that had to be enough.

The girl stretched out her arms, and Ben’s heart lurched at the sight. This child was reaching for him. _Him_. She was trusting him to find her mom. She was okay with sitting on his shoulders. A child would sit on his shoulders. The only time a child had sat on Ben’s shoulders, the only time a child had reached for him, had been in his dreams.

Ben forced himself back into reality. He picked the girl up and put her on his shoulder. “Hold on,” he ordered her, and the girl put her arms around his head and her legs clamped down on his shoulders. It wasn’t completely comfortable, but Ben had more important stuff to focus on – now they had to find the mom.

It was definitely a sight to be seen. A 6-foot-3 man, with an imposing stature, dressed in a black coat, carrying a small girl in a pink raincoat and with pink boots on his shoulder. The man calling out ‘Rey. Rey.’ again and again and the small child yelling ‘Mom!’

They only walked through two aisles, when a frantic women was running towards them. Ben immediately saw the similarity between her and the young girl on his shoulder, but he was even more convinced that it was the girl’s mom, when the girl on his shoulders struggled to get to her. Quickly he pulled her from his shoulders and maneuvered her into the arms of the woman, coming to a halt in front of him right at that moment.

He only saw the features of the woman for a very short moment, before he focused on moving the girl into her arms. But immediately her face was seared into his mind – even though she had been distressed, even though she had been dressed for some Sunday grocery shopping, she had been more beautiful than any other woman, he had ever seen. Ben thought he had seen freckles. He definitely had seen a beautiful small nose, a gorgeous wide mouth, and deep brown eyes.

The woman almost barreled into Ben. She clasped the girl tightly, and the girl hid her face in the woman’s – in Rey’s neck. Tears were flowing down both their cheeks. The girl’s mother whispered and murmured soothingly into the girl’s ear.

Ben didn’t know what to do next. What was the protocol? Should he wait? Should he just leave? The girl obviously had found her mother. He was no longer needed. Ben’s heart sunk at that thought – for a few moments, almost several minutes, he had felt happy. He had done something good, but now he had to go back into the bleakness of his everyday life.

Awkwardly he turned his head, then he moved his legs to slowly back away from the small family. But before he managed to make even one step, the woman gripped his arm. “Thank you,” she said hoarsely. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” Then she crushed into him, pressing her face into his chest, the arm that wasn’t holding her daughter trying to find its way around his back - but being too short it couldn’t fully reach around and stopped in the middle of it, right on his spine. “I thought I lost her. I thought I would never find her.” He heard her quiet voice.

Rey’s tears were staining his shirt. But Ben didn’t care. He was stock still. The woman was touching him. She was basically hugging him, crying into him. She was warm. It felt so comfortable to feel another body pressed against his – even though the situation was clearly not an ideal one.

Ben’s arms hung limply at his side. What was he supposed to do? It seemed as he had been asking himself that question the entire time, since the girl had tugged at his coat. Was he _allowed_ to hug her back? Was he _supposed_ to hug her back? Did she _want_ to be hugged? She seemed to need some comfort, didn’t she? She did initiate body contact – so maybe he should reciprocate. Ben definitely wanted to reciprocate, he assessed.

He wanted to hold her. He wanted to get his arms around both of them and keep them close to him. He wanted to bury his head in her hair. He wanted to smell her. He wanted to feel her. He wanted to keep her safe. Ben was completely overwhelmed by this feelings.

Warily, he put his arms around the woman and her daughter. One hand, positioned on her lower back, just held her steady, the other hand soothingly moved across her upper back. Immediately the woman relaxed into him. Almost all the tension leaving her body. He still heard her whisper ‘Thank you’s’ into his chest, but her trembling had stopped.

But now they both noticed that the girl was still crying. She wasn’t really loud, but the tears hadn’t stopped, and her entire body clung to her mother. Suddenly Rey looked up. At the same moment, Ben looked down. Their eyes met – and everything else seemed to stop. Ben swallowed heavily, but didn’t dare to break their locked eyes.

It was like an out-of-body experience. Ben saw the three of them standing in the middle of a random supermarket. A brunette woman, comfortably dressed, carrying an almost too tall girl in her arms, pressed against a significantly taller man, clothed in more luxurious clothes, who had both his arms around the two girls. It was an image right out of his unattainable dreams.

A blush spread on both their faces and hastily they moved one step away from each other. “Sorry,” they said at the exact same moment – then blushed again. There was something electrically hypnotic between them. 

“I’m Rey,” the woman said, still looking at him. “I know,” Ben replied, a small smile on his lips. The blush on Rey’s face deepened. “Oh, right,” she said and averted her eyes, then she looked back up at him through her lashes. Ben’s heart skipped at least a handful of beats. Involuntarily his hands tried to move back to the woman in front of him. But he could control himself. He wanted to feel her again, and to spend years looking into her eyes. “I’m Ben,” he said instead.

“Ben,” Rey repeated very quietly. As if she tested how his name would sound in her mouth, how her lips would feel forming his name. Ben loved it. He loved her saying his name. He loved hearing it. He loved watching her lips forming all three letters. He wanted to hear and see it more often. He wanted to feel her lips forming his name. Violently he pulled his mind back into reality and the present.

“Thank you, Ben,” Rey said his name again. “Thank you for bringing my daughter back.” Rey was biting her lip and Ben lost focus again. He saw her teeth slowly pressing down on her lower lip, he saw white meeting red, and then release it again. _He_ wanted to be the one to bite her lip.

“I was glad to help,” Ben forced himself to answer. Then both their focus on each other broke, when Rey’s daughter tightened her legs around Rey’s waist, and the woman's eyes wandered to her daughter. She kissed the girl’s head. Ben watched them both fondly. “I don’t think she will let go any time soon,” he murmured.

“Me neither, but… she has too,” Rey motioned behind her, where a shopping cart – presumably hers – stood. “I can’t carry her like this and push the cart at the same time. She is getting rather heavy.” Rey sighed and shifted the girl slightly, to which she made an opposing sound. Rey chuckled, but a tired notion had entered her eyes.

Ben wanted to help her. He _needed_ to help her. He needed to solve this problem for her. Find a way, that she didn’t have to let go of her daughter, and could finish her grocery shopping. “I can push the cart,” he offered. It was simple. It was a task he could easily do. He could just transfer his groceries into her cart.

Rey bit her lip again, while she pondered his offer. Ben’s finger twitched again. Again, he felt the urge to be the one to bite that lip. He hoped she would accept his offer. He didn’t want to part from her. He couldn’t.

Then she nodded and relieved him of his worries. “Okay,” she whispered, “Thank you. Again.” Ben smiled at her – and instantly he got a smile in reply. “I just have to get my own groceries, too. Do you need anything else?” Ben asked her. Rey shook her head and settled herself next to him – closely next to him. Like he did, she seemed to feel the energy between them, too. The hypnotic attraction forming a connection between two lost souls.

In silence they walked to his cart that stood abandoned where Rey’s daughter had found him. Luckily, no one had taken anything out of it. When Ben had moved everything into Rey’s cart, he noticed that the girl had stopped crying, but still clung tightly to her mother. “How is she?” he asked Rey.

Rey tried to look at her daughter, but she still hid her face in Rey’s neck, still wouldn’t let go. Losing her mother had affected her more than Ben had thought. “She calmed down, but it will take some time until she will show herself again,” Rey said and gave her daughter another kiss on her head. “My little star,” she murmured.

Leaning her head onto her daughter’s, Rey continued. “Astra means star in Latin. She is my star, and the stars shall always shine for her and show her the way.” Ben wasn’t sure if she was speaking to him or if Rey was lost in her thoughts. The day apparently taking its toll on her, too. 

They reached the checkout and Ben put their groceries onto the band. Rey tried to help him, but he shooed her away. Reluctantly, she stopped trying to help him and spoke with her daughter again. From the corner of his eyes, Ben saw Astra slowly turning her head – opening herself up gradually.

Rey’s things were the first one to be scanned. While Rey waited next to Ben, he began to put her things back into the cart. During the unloading, Ben had already noticed that Rey was clearly shopping differently to him. Instead of choosing the better products, she opted for the cheapest, for economy packs and special offers. Ben guessed that Rey probably wasn’t poor, but definitely hadn’t much money.

He was practically completely sure that she was a single parent to her daughter – at least some part of him hoped she was, even though another part of him chided him for these thoughts, because who was he to wish that Rey and Astra would have less people in her life than they could have. But she seemed capable enough to care for her daughter, even without a second parent. She seemed to have support – at least Astra had mentioned an uncle and an aunt. And deep in his heart, he knew that he wanted her to be single, because if she was single, Ben theoretically had a chance to get together with. He desperately wanted to get to know her. She must have felt that spark between the two. He was sure she had. The way she had hugged him. The way she had blushed. There was no way she hadn’t felt it.

Ben didn’t hear the cost for Rey’s groceries, but he noticed her getting more frantic again. Her hands touched all her pockets. Searching for something – her money, his brain offered. “No, no, no,” she murmured. “I must have forgotten it.” She turned to the cashier. “Sorry, I think my wallet is still in my car – at least I hope it is. Could you maybe hold on to these items and I quickly get the money?” Rey asked.

Without any reaction to the mother's request, the cashier stated that either Rey had to pay now, or she would cancel the purchase and Rey had to buy everything again, after she had gotten her wallet. Ben saw the tears in Rey’s eyes forming again. Not much time had passed since the scare of her daughter getting lost. Rey was frustrated – nothing was running right today. The tears clouded her eyes, and Rey almost missed how Ben’s hand moved across her field of view.

Quickly she blinked away the tears. And barely saw how Ben paid for her shopping. She grabbed his arm. “You don’t have to do this, Ben.” She called out. Rey’s frustration grew. And beneath it sat her shame. After losing her daughter, she now didn't have the money ready to pay for her groceries.

When she had lost her daughter, Rey had been so afraid. She had called out for Astra. Fear exponentially grew in her – and then she had heard a deep voice calling her name. It had been so absurd, this magical voice calling her name. And then beside that voice, had she heard another, Astra’s. Astra was calling out for her. Her baby was near her and was searching for her.

Rey had turned around, and then she had seen them. A massive black figure and her girl sitting on top of it. She had reacted instinctively. This black figure had brought back her daughter. She had barely been able to stop in time before she ran directly into the black wall that hastily moved Astra into her arms.

She was so relieved when Astra had clung to her chest. Calling softly for her. Crying into her neck. Then Astra had said, “I knew Ben would find you. He helped me find you. I found you.” And Rey had remembered the man still standing next to her. She could almost feel his presence. She turned her head and saw how he attempted to move away from them, but she couldn’t let him go. He had brought her daughter back to her. _She needed him_. She had done the only thing seeming reasonable to her. She had taken that last step and had buried herself into him. It had been glorious. It had been comforting. She had never wanted to leave again. He smelled like a warm fire in a cottage deep in the woods. She tried to put her arm around him, to keep him there, pressed against her. But she hadn’t been able to reach around. His chest had just been too wide.

And then had come the moment, where they both had to put some distance between them. The cold instantly punished her for stepping away from Ben’s warmth. It felt wrong to be so far away from him.

She would have given everything to keep him close. Her mind was completely hypnotized by his presence. She couldn’t stop looking at him. She had felt his muscles beneath his shirt. She discovered his wonderful nose that sat enthroned in the middle of his face. Her eyes had wandered along his plushy, red lips. She had taken in the creamy white expanse of his face. She had almost lost herself in his eyes.

Rey had basked in the presence of this man. That was so much more than she had ever had in her life. He had clearly enough money to wear beautiful, soft, and warm clothes. He felt almost out of place in the store. But Rey wanted him to stay. She wanted him. She wanted him for herself. But settling herself next to him, accepting his help to push her cart, old and suppressed feelings began to bubble. Feelings of not being enough. Feelings of being abandoned. She wanted Ben, but she feared she was not enough for him wanting to stay.

They waited at the checkout, and Rey had distracted herself by talking with Astra, keeping one eye on the rising price of her purchase, while the cashier scanned her items. And then she had to pay. But her wallet had disappeared. She couldn’t find it. It was nowhere. She must have left it in the car, or maybe even at home. At least Rey hoped she did.

All these bubbling fears and emotions had amplified. They drove tears into her eyes – and then Ben had paid for her, and she hadn’t been able to stop him. And shame clawed at her entire body. But Ben didn’t react to it. He didn’t flinch away. His hand laid itself on her shoulder, his thumb stroking her. He had calmed her without any judgment, just silently taking control of the situation. “Just let me do this, so we can get out of here.” He then paid for his own groceries and they left the store. Rey trying to calm herself down, trying to shush the voices in her head. The voices that were shaming her.

As if on autopilot, Rey led them to her car. She opened the trunk, but instead of moving her items into it, Ben made her sit down on it. Then he crouched in front of her. He put his hands on her knees and resumed his soothing motions. Ben held her gaze for several minutes, maybe even longer. Rey slowly calmed down until Astra squirmed in her arms – the girl now apparently getting restless.

Then she spoke up. “Ben!” The girl said, her eyes widened in surprise. “Hey, Astra,” Ben smiled at her. The girl completely ignored how he knew her name and began to babble. “I knew you would find my mom. You are so tall. And you can see everything from up there. I could see onto the shelves. It was really dirty up there. But also so cool. I was taller than everyone else. And then I saw my mom. That’s my mom!” Astra pointed at Rey. “You were a good help, Ben.”

Rey began to laugh, and Ben joined her. The happiness of the girl was addictive. “She _is_ right,” Rey said, “You are tall.” Rey’s wandered appreciatively across Ben’s crouching body and a shiver shot through him.

“And you are much more beautiful than Astra told me,” Ben answered.

He had been so nervous when Astra had found him and had asked for his help. He had been nervous when they had both found Rey. But after their moment – their first moment, after all the touching and looks at each other, he had grown more and more confident. Ben felt really good – and this feeling grew inside him. He knew what he wanted. And it felt so easy with Rey. He still felt the nervousness inside him, but there was confidence, too. He knew what he had to do. He knew what he wanted to do. And for the first time, he just did it.

Rey blushed again after his compliment and evaded his eyes (Ben never wanted to stop making her blush - it was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen). “Don’t you agree, Astra” Ben asked. The girl nodded, and the three laughed together.

Rey’s eyes shot to the shopping cart standing next to Ben, then back to him. “The money!” she said. “I’ll give you your money and then you can…” there her voice broke off. They both knew what she had wanted to say: “and then you can go.” But Rey frowned. Silently, Ben hoped it was, because she didn’t want him to go.

Ben’s heart hurt at the thought of just letting them leave. It felt like he was choking. The blood in his veins turned to ice. He couldn’t allow them to get away. There was something, something between them. A string pulled tight – and would it rip in two, it would destroy him. So, Ben did something he had never done before. He took the first step to chase his dream. “Maybe… maybe, we could go somewhere. To forget the scare. Maybe something, like pizza,” Ben whispered the last word, not wanting the Astra to overhear him.

“Yes,” Rey replied loudly, flinching at the volume of her voice. “Yes,” she repeated, “we can do that.” She nodded eagerly. “It will be my thank you for bringing Astra back to me.” At the mention of her name, the girl perked up again. “What do you say, Astra?” her mother asked her, “do you want some pizza?” The girl lifted her arms into the air. “Pizza!” she cheered, and Ben exchanged a smile with Rey at the obvious joy of Astra.

“Then let’s drive somewhere to get pizza,” Ben suggested. “But I won’t allow you to pay for me as a thank you. I already said I was glad to help Astra – I don’t need repayment for that.” Ben saw how Rey began to shake her head – apparently, she didn’t want to accept that. He didn't want to argue with her, but Ben could never accept any monetary for helping Rey's daughter. “But I could accept it as a thank you for the groceries,” he offered. This way, she wouldn't have to pay him back for them, Ben thought. 

Frowningly Rey glanced at the shopping cart. “But they are far more worth than one pizza,” Rey said, and her eyes wandered back to Ben’s face, and stopped whatever she wanted to say. “Okay, then, as repayment for the groceries,” she affirmed. “but we will not eat in some restaurant or something like that, we’ll treat you to a traditional Rey and Astra Johnson pizza dinner; do you want to just follow us with your car?”

Ben agreed and together they put her groceries into her car and while Rey put her daughter into her seat, Ben walked to his car to do the same with his groceries. Then he followed her.

When Rey arrived at their home, she was nervous about what Ben would think about the state of her small apartment. But she hadn’t need to worry. Rey was lucky that it was relatively clean inside the living room and the kitchen which were the two first rooms, after the tiny entrance area.

They left their shoes and jackets there and giddily Astra pulled Ben with her through the living room and the kitchen into the hallway. The last room on the right was hers. Astra proudly showed him her collection of toys, while Rey was ordering pizza.

They spent an evening full of laughs with each other. And Rey’s heart jumped every time Ben and Astra interacted with each other. They were lost in their own small bubble, ignoring everything outside of the four walls they were currently in.

But the evening couldn’t go on forever. Rey had to bring Astra into bed and told Ben to wait for her. He said goodbye to the little girl and while Rey was in her room; he cleaned up what was left from their pizza dinner.

Then he waited for Rey to come back into the living room again. When she closed the door from the kitchen to the living room, Ben stood up to meet her, expecting to have to say goodbye, but she turned unexpectedly and made her own step towards him. They both ended up closer to each other than they had expected.

Heavily breathing, their eyes locked onto each other. It was different now. Then it had been in the store. They both had lost their jackets and coats. They had lost some of their shells. Because of their synchronized breathing, their chests were almost touching.

The electric tension was back again. The hypnotic feeling of not being able to look away had them in their grip. Rey’s eyes flickered to Ben’s lips. Ben observed the movement and the heat inside him grew. It was almost unbearable. He needed to ease the tension that was building itself up inside of him. He needed to feel Rey. He needed to touch her again. Smell her. Taste her.

Ben noticed how Rey’s eyes now solely stared at his lips as if they were obsessing over each small part of them. His fingers were twitching. Rey tilted her head – and that was enough for Ben. He couldn’t stop himself anymore. The tension between them erupted, it exploded. Ben’s head descended and his lips pressed themselves against Rey’s.

Rey _gasped_ at Ben’s sudden motion. Her lips were slightly parted. Then she felt them. She felt his lips, his mouth against hers. She couldn’t stop the moan that was escaping her throat. This feeling was glorious. It was consuming. There was a fire inside her and it was beautiful and devouring, fascinating and terrifying. Rey wanted to get _burned_ by it.

Her hands shot to his chest. She gripped at his shirt, but it wasn’t enough. She wanted to feel him, not his clothes. She needed Ben in her hands and under her fingers. She let go of his shirt, stepped closer to him, searched for contact with his body. Her hands wandered upwards, across his beautiful face, and finally she found what she searched for and dug her hands into his hair. She gripped at this and slotted her mouth eagerly across his.

Ben felt the moment Rey responded deep in his soul. All barriers were gone, all self-control was lost. She pressed herself against him. His heart skipped a beat when her hands disappeared into his hair.

Now it was his time. Ben wanted her. He wanted all of her. He wanted to explore her. He wanted to pleasure her. His hands found her waist. They steadied her as he took several steps. He led her backward, where her remembered the wall to stand. He found it and _pressed_ her against it – never breaking their kiss.

Rey felt Ben push her cautiously, she felt herself moved backwards, she couldn’t see where she was going, but she didn’t need to. She was completely distracted by something much more important. Ben had used her gasp at the beginning of their kiss to immediately drive his tongue across her lip. And then he had pushed her body and his tongue forward at the same time. She didn’t care where she was walking as long as she could feel his tongue inside her mouth. She could taste him, she felt its texture. She lost herself inside this feeling – every other thought was pushed away. There was only him. His body parts touching hers. His mouth kissing her. His tongue inside her mouth. There was only Ben. There was so much Ben.

Rey felt the wall on her back. But everywhere else was Ben. The fire inside her consumed her more and more. It _liquified_ her, drove her mad. She could feel how the fire burned down all her rational thoughts. There was only feeling. 

She had been so focused on what was happening during their kiss, Rey hadn’t felt how wet she had gotten, but as the wall pushed into her back and Ben pushed into her front, his thigh slowly wandering to her center, she felt her wetness growing. She needed more. She needed more Ben. She needed him to relieve that tension that was building up inside of her.

At last she felt his thigh ending his movement exactly where she wanted it, where she needed it. The pressure it was applying was glorious. His height perfect for her. They were made for each other. They were perfect for each other. Quickly Rey pressed her cunt against the thigh that was still pushing forward.

Her groan was obscene. It was loud, and it came from deep within her. Ben cherished it. He pulled it out of her. He sank his teeth into her lip and pulled. Another groan. Ben felt Rey grinding harder on his thigh. Her grip in his hair getting tighter.

His hands were still at Rey’s waist. He tightened his hold. His fingers buried themselves into her flesh. They both knew she would find bruises there tomorrow. Neither of them cared. Neither of them wanted it differently. Roughly, he helped Rey in her grinding movement.

He could feel her heat. He could feel her wetness growing. As she grinded heavily against him, it stained her panties. It stained her pants. Ben pulled his mouth back from her, but instead of a reaction from Rey, he just saw her closed eyed face. The flush on her face that grew on her neck. Ben wanted to see how far it would go. How much of her chest was that same glorious red?

He had spent so much time kissing her mouth, exploring it, tasting her lips. Now he wanted to discover more. Wanted to kiss every part of her. Mark it as his. Roughly, Ben pressed his lips back against her neck. Kissed and sucked and soothed the spot with his tongue.

Another loud groan slipped out of Rey’s mouth, and suddenly Ben remembered that they weren’t alone. He had to silence Rey somehow. He had to make her quiet. He left one of his hands at her waist, still aiding her movement, but the other covered her mouth. Rey’s eyes flew open. They were black, Ben lost himself in them. They stared directly into his soul. “You have to be quiet, Rey!” He told her and she nodded, accepting the help of his hand over her mouth.

Rey relished in the feeling of the fabric rubbing at her pussy, applying pressure where she needed it. She could feel the coil in her getting tighter and tighter. There was nothing else than this coil. Nothing else than this fire. Nothing else than this ache that needed relief.

His hand was so big. Covering her mouth. She wanted to suck his fingers into it, but she needed them to stay quiet. Ben had told her to be quiet, and he was right. But it felt so good. His mouth was wandering across her neck.

Rey felt herself getting closer, her thoughts getting hazier, her breathing heavier. She just had to cant her hips right. Applying a little more pressure onto her clit. “I’m close,” she tried to say against the hand in front of her mouth. Maybe Ben had heard her, maybe he had just wanted to apply his mouth to the next part of her body. But at the exact right moment, he pressed his open mouth at her breast. Rey had undressed her bra. She was left only with a rather thin shirt covering her chest. She felt the heat of Ben’s mouth against her tit. She felt the wetness of it against her nipple.

Her hands lost their hold in Ben’s hair as she climaxed. They fell to his shoulders. She tried to hold herself upwards, but it was just _too much_. That coil inside her dissolved with a snap that wracked her entire body. She felt the spasm of her cunt in her toes. She could only concentrate on that heart-beat rushing through her body. Ben’s quickly pressing her further into the wall, keeping her upright. 

Then it was over. Rey could open her eyes again. She could look at the men in front of her. It had felt so good. She could just not not kiss him. She reconquered his mouth with hers.

Rey thought that dry humping orgasm would have her sated, that it would have eased that electricity between them. But she had been so wrong. Instead, she wanted more. She wanted more of Ben. She wanted to give herself to him. Surrender to him completely. To feel his mouth without the barrier of clothes between them.

Detaching her lips from his, she quickly pulled her shirt above her head, ignoring the wet stains in form Ben’s mouth on it. Then she pulled down her pants and panties. Ben mirrored her activities, ridding himself of his shirt and his pants, too.

Rey moved her hands to his boxer shorts. She wanted them gone, too. She wanted to see what laid beneath it. She saw his bulge. But she had to see the real thing. She wanted to feel it. Let her fingers wander over it. Keep it in her tight fist. Make him feel the same pleasure she had just felt.

But Ben had other plans. He pulled her hands away and pinned them against the wall at each side of her body. “I’m not finished,” he told her, and Rey shivered. Her wetness grew. Her hips pushed forward. She needed friction. She wanted to feel this same feeling again.

Ben started at her tits again. Reattached his mouth to the same one as moments before, when she still had worn her shirt. The feeling now was immensely better. She could feel his mouth directly on her flesh, on her nipple. She could feel his teeth nip at them. His other hand moved to her free tit and massaged it.

Rey felt as if she was shrinking, when she saw his giant paw gripping at her, massaging the soft flesh. Ben was so massive, so wide. And he worshipped her. His entire attention devoted to her. Rey couldn’t escape the growing tension. Felt the coil inside her tightening again. She couldn’t stop the noises escaping her mouth again. There was just so much of Ben touching her. So much pleasure was inside her, she had to let it out.

“You need to stay silent!” Ben ordered her again. “If you can’t do it, use your own hand this time, mine will be occupied.” She hurried to comply with it. Put her own hand against her mouth, as his descended on her body to where she felt the hottest, to where she needed him the most.

Ben didn’t tease her. Ben didn’t play with her. He was direct. His open mouth enveloped her cunt, her clit pressed against his lip. Rey felt glorious, she felt god like. This beautiful man was beneath eating her out.

The hand not pressing against her mouth, trying to keep herself silent, moved back into his hair. She had to keep him exactly where he was. She couldn’t allow him to leave this spot – not when he was driving her higher and higher and higher. Would Ben leave now, she would combust on the spot.

But Ben never tried to leave. Instead, he pushed his tongue into her. Used one hand to press her into the wall and the other to open her up. He lapped inside her. He ate her out – in the truest meaning of the saying.

Then he let his lips slide over her labia, up to her clit, pulling it between his lips. But his fingers were staying at her opening. One finger curling and pressing inside. Slowly and gradually, deeper and deeper. She felt the thickness of his fingers. They were so much bigger than her own. She could feel his knuckle.

Finally, Ben’s entire finger was inside her. He began to thrust, at no time detaching his mouth. “I want to feel you come on my fingers,” he spoke against her clit – his warm breath caressing the bundle of nerves. Goosebumps were traveling over Rey’s body.

A second finger pushed into her. How were two fingers of him able to stretch her in such a way? She could feel both fingers following the way the first one had taken. She could feel how they spread her more. Then they were seated into her too.

She needed his fingers to move, to thrust, to push inside her. Rey needed more. Then they curled, pushed against her front-wall, found that spot that felt so wonderful and amazing. Rey had to close her eyes and clamp her hand stronger against her mouth. She felt so good. But she still wanted more. She wanted that release again, that feeling as if she was flying.

Now Ben used both his two fingers pressing and pushing inside her and his mouth and tongue playing with her clit. Rey could feel her orgasm building. She could feel it beginning in her toes and fingers moving closer and closer to her center. She could feel her muscles twitch.

The movement of Ben’s finger was steady and rhythmic, but the curling and moving inside of her and his mouth on her clit were changing and changing and changing. She couldn’t settle down. The tension inside her rising. The feeling was domineering her entire body and then…

… then she felt it _snap_ inside of her. She felt her cunt spasming around Ben’s finger. Her upper body fell forward onto his head. But Ben didn’t let go of her. He held her through the throes of her orgasm.

His movements became gentle. His mouth left her clit, and he began to kiss the surrounding skin, soft and caressing. He cleaned her up on his way to her thighs. Both her arms were now around his head and neck. Rey tried to breathe steadily. Then she heard him. “I got you, Rey. I got you.”

Ben’s arm moved to her knees and with one swift movement. He carried her in a bridal carry to the couch and lowered her naked body onto it and settled himself between her legs, his face hovering above hers, and he did his best to not lay down on her.

His mouth was peppering kisses around her face. Then he stopped. “How are you, Rey? Exhausted? Ready for one more?” His eyes searched for answers in hers.

A smile grew on Rey’s face. He had gifted her two great orgasms, and they had definitely taken a toll on her. She hadn’t had much sex in her life, and the last time had been when Astra had been conceived.

“I feel good, so very good,” Rey told him and relished in the boyish smile that formed in reply. She caressed his face with one of her hands and he leaned into it. His mouth pressing kisses on her wrist. Rey’s heart ached. They were in this glorious bubble and she wanted him to have that same pleasure that she had. She wanted him to feel that same feeling. “Please fuck me, Ben! _Please!_ ” she begged him, offering herself to him.

Black dominated Ben’s warm eyes and Rey pushed her hips upward, trying to find that bulge she had spotted earlier. His thigh, fingers, and mouth had been good, but now she wanted more. Now she wanted everything. She wanted to take him entirely.

Rey’s free hand traveled upwards, palmed at his cock, and then tried to pull his boxer shorts down. Quickly Ben sat back and undressed completely. His cock jumping upwards as it was freed. Rey swallowed – she’d certainly feel this evening tomorrow. But she banned this thought immediately. There was no tomorrow, only the present, her cunt, and Ben’s thick dick.

“Damn it,” Ben cursed as he fisted his cock. “Do you have a condom?” He asked Rey. She tried to understand the question, but her mind was constantly pulled back to Ben's slow motion, slowly, but deliberately moving up- and downwards on his cock.

“I’m clean and on birth-control,” Rey managed to answer, still mesmerized. “Clean, too” Ben gritted out, his eyes leaving hers and settling themselves onto her glistening cunt. He huffed and then positioned himself, so he could easily push himself inside her.

One last time he looked back up at her, when she nodded, they both looked down, where their bodies would join, and then Rey felt it. He was touching her. Not his fingers, not his mouth, not any other body part. His cock was slowly spreading her, pushing inside her.

Rey was glad she had taken two of Ben’s fingers already, and that he had given her two orgasms, because he was thick. She felt it. Felt her walls stretch around him. Felt him pushing deeper and deeper.

A moan was audible in the room. Had it been hers? Or Ben’s? His gritted “you have to be quiet, Rey!” let her assume she had been the one, but she wasn’t sure. Everything felt just so good. His thick cock was plunging deeper and deeper into her.

Ben finally had given up on observing how he was disappearing inside of her, instead he had attached his mouth to the spot right under her ear, that felt so good. Every time he pressed open mouth kisses against it and sucked at the skin there, her toes curled.

Ben’s chest was pressing against hers, applying sweet pressure against her nipples. Her arms were slung around his neck and shoulders. She bit down on one of her fingers, trying to obey Ben’s orders to be quiet.

But he was still filling her, still getting deeper. Then she felt his pelvis meeting hers. Her clit finally came back into contact with his body. He had sheathed himself fully inside her. His head pulled slightly back, his hands cradling her head. Then he pressed an impossibly soft kiss onto her lips. Rey sighed.

Pulling his head millimeters away, he asked, ‘Ready?”. Rey nodded and then he began to move. Rey’s body cheered. He wasn’t slow and cautious with his movement, didn’t treat her like she was prone to break, but also didn’t overdo it. He thrusted and thrusted and _thrusted_ into her. Again and again hitting that sweet spot inside her.

“You feel so good around my cock,” Ben told her, and Rey’s heart jumped at the praise. “Such a sweet little cunt you have, so tight, feels so good.” Every one of Ben’s words was accompanied by a thrust.

Rey wanted more of him. She wanted all his praise; she wanted all his kisses; she wanted his dick inside her. She spread her legs and moved them around his hips to pull him deeper inside her. 

“Fuck Rey,” Ben moaned at their slightly changed position. “I am so close, Rey, so close. Your pussy is so perfect. Best pussy, Rey…” Another moan wandered from Ben’s mouth directly into Rey’s mind. It filled her, the pleasure she gave him filled her, pleasured her in return. The praise reigniting that fire that she had been so familiar with this evening.

“I need you to come again, Rey. Can you do this for me?” Ben asked her. Rey forced herself to focus on him. She felt so good. Ben had made her feel so good. And now he was fucking her so deeply and praising her, pressing her down onto the couch, sharing his warmth, his body with her. She could only nod. 

One of Ben’s hands wandered down her body again. It made a short stop at her tits, but its goal was slightly above the point where their two bodies were joined. Ben applied pressure onto her clit – and Rey recognized that feeling again, that made her feel so good. But it was more subdued this time. Her limps still felt so heavy. She held tighter onto Ben, felt an irregularity in his thrusts. He too was getting closer.

“Come with me, Ben, please. Please! I need you to come with me! Please, together,” Rey begged him.

Ben’s lips met hers in a searing kiss. Fire licking from him into her. His tongue pressing down into hers. Then she felt his movement falter, his hand applying more pressure onto her clit, because of his body he had stopped keeping up above her. Rey felt Ben come inside her, spilling himself, felt pleasure radiating from him. She joined. Her orgasm smaller this time, a warmth enveloping her. She kissed him back, slightly trembling.

Her eyes were drooping down. She felt so good, but so exhausted and tired. She wanted to feel Ben, but her body needed sleep. She was so relaxed, but winced as Ben pulled out of her. But he distracted her immediately. Kissing her entire body until his mouth found her aching cunt. With cautious licks and kisses, he cleaned her until he was satisfied.

Ben laid himself beside her. The couch was much too small for them, so he moved Rey on top of him. Let her use his chest as a pillow. Ben relished in the feeling of her body lying on top of him. They were in their own bubble, minds only filled with thoughts of each other. Limps heavily and neither wanted to move. They just wanted to lie down, take a few minutes of rest. Indulge into each other’s presence and warmth.

Their eyes were closing, their breaths relaxing. Cuddling together, sleep enveloped them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates could be coming somewhat irregularly, but there aren't that many chapters and I have the story entire in my head and outlined. I just have to write it. But I very much enjoy writing this story, especially with the Angst joining us right at the start of Chapter 2.  
> Also: Right now this story will be staying anonymous, but that will probably change after the second-to-last chapter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next morning leads to unwanted realizations. A week full of angst and hurt ensues - will our main characters meet again at the end of the week?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ehm, so... I really, really like writing this story, and I really don't want to wait to upload the chapters, so here is the next one.  
> My regular chapter length for multi-chapter stories is around 3k words, these chapters are all thrice as long, but I plan on having the next chapter ready somewhere between the next Thursday or the Thursday after that.

That night Ben wasn’t dreaming nightmares, that made him shake and tremble with fear. This time he wasn’t being haunted by beautifully fascinating and wonderfully terrifying visions of a family, a home, and children. Instead of concrete images, his mind was occupied with feelings and emotions that swashed through him. Rey’s body draped over his enveloped him in warmth, comfort, and familiarity. She made him feel safe. She made him feel welcomed. Somewhere, deep inside him, a voice questioned, if that was what being loved felt like.

Rey was comfortably settled on top of the mountain of man, that Ben was, her legs snuggly settled between his. Her dream was filled with the memory of the night before. But instead of reliving the dinner, the three had enjoyed together; she saw it all happen from an outside perspective.

She could see how Ben getting more comfortable and relaxed, when speaking to Astra. Rey had the feeling, he wasn’t used to speaking with children, but Astra had wormed her way through his insecurities. He was openly smiling at her, making jokes. Rey wanted nothing more than to stay in this memory of the three of them, her daughter giddily laughing and Ben’s eyes sparkling with mirth.

Maybe there was something true about the saying, that happiness multiplies if it’s shared, because Rey saw the happiness on her face, while the evening went on in front of her. But then darkness crept into the picture from the sides. It licked at the chairs they were sitting on, and Rey wanted to shoo it away. She wanted to protect the happy memory from the black shadows growing closer to it.

Ben’s body began to flicker - as if he was an old TV signal. Terrified, her daughter turned to the version of Rey sitting at the table. “Mom, what’s happening with Ben?” she asked. Rey’s heart constricted at the teary voice. Rey wanted to comfort her, but she couldn’t move, she couldn’t run next to her daughter and hold her. She longed to hug her, to keep her close.

Rey saw Ben disappearing more and more. Static was filling the place, where his body was flickering. “Please, don’t leave Ben.” That was Rey’s voice, but she hadn’t spoken. She still couldn’t speak. Then Rey realized it had been the Rey sitting at the table, her dream double, that had spoken. Why was Ben leaving? Weren’t they good enough? Was Rey not beautiful enough? Was their apartment not luxurious enough? Was Astra not sweet enough? Was Rey not feminine enough?

Ben wasn’t saying anything. He still stared at them. And flickered. Faster and faster he was flickering, and the static appeared more and more often. Why was everyone leaving them? Why was she so cursed, that everyone was leaving her? Why would Ben do this? Why would Ben leave them? Hadn’t it been him, who had brought her daughter back to her? Hadn’t it been him, who had proposed having dinner together? Hadn’t he laughed with her? Hadn’t he enjoyed his time with them?

Old insecurites took hold of her. Maybe Rey should have done something different. Maybe she should have done more? Should she have complimented him more? Should she have given more of herself to him? When she had rejoined him after bringing her daughter to bed, he had taken control. She had more than happily reciprocated, but what if it hadn’t meant the same to him as it did to her? What if he did something like that often? Maybe he was the type of man to have one-night-stands several times a week. Maybe the dinner had just been a means to an end.

Suddenly Ben’s figure completely vanished. The chair he had sat on screamed of emptiness. The dinner plate in front of where he had sat was yelling, that there had been someone at the table who had left. Someone, who had left the picture.

As everyone else had.

Everyone was _always_ leaving.

Rey tore her eyes open. Heavily breathing, she didn’t immediately know where she was. Disoriented she tried to look around. Then she felt him. His chest acting as her pillow. His legs encasing hers. His arms holding her to him. His warmth comforting her. 

Her first instinct was to _bury_ herself further into him. Relish his presence. Let him, let his smell, let his touch wash away the lingering nightmare and all the emotions and fears it had brought forward. But every second, Rey stayed in his embrace, the memory of the nightmare screamed louder at her.

Ben would leave. He would leave them as everyone else had. He would leave them as her parents did. He would leave them all alone. Broken – only with the memories of a happier time haunting and poisoning them. She had to protect herself – more importantly she had to protect her daughter. Astra didn’t deserve to live through the same pain, Rey had. Rey had vowed to herself to give her daughter the best possible life – and Ben was a danger to it. He and Astra had bonded too quickly, she hadn't had time to process it. Hadn't had time to assess the situation. 

How would Astra feel, when Ben finally left? How would it break her sweet, caring daughter? Which scares would mar her?

No, she couldn’t allow Ben to stay here. She couldn’t allow her daughter to see them together. What if she had interrupted them last night? What she had done, had been reckless, Rey chastised herself. How could she have fallen so fast? Why hadn’t she put a stop to their kisses, their touches, their exploring, their pleasure? Usually she acted much more responsible – especially with things that also concerned her daughter. Ben had to leave. He had to leave right now. Before Astra woke up. Before Finn arrived to pick her daughter up. He had to leave _immediately_. Before he could cause more damage than he already had.

As Rey sat up, freeing herself of Ben's embrace. She looked down at the man lying beneath her. Tears were rising behind her eyes. He looked so much younger in his sleep, so much more relaxed. Rey felt the same attraction, she had felt yesterday. The same feeling of wonder and longing as her eyes travelled across his body.

If she allowed him to stay, he would wreck her completely. Ben had the power to achieve what no one else had, to obliterate her and everything she held dear. But at the same time, she wanted nothing more than to stay in his embrace, let his fire keep her warm, let him protect her and hold her and worship her.

Rey’s heart broke as she put distance between herself and Ben. A crack appeared right in the middle of it. It hurt, but Rey knew that it would hurt even more, when she allowed him to stay. The pain right now, she could handle. The pain she felt right now was survivable. The pain she would feel after inevitable leaving her in a few months, could be more than she could survive.

Rey sat on the other end of the couch, calming her breath. She searched for her clothes when she saw Ben’s eyes fluttering. He was waking up.

Ben felt the loss of warmth in his shapeless dream, he felt the security that was enveloping him vanishing. His back hurt – he wasn’t the youngest anymore, and thirty was definitely not the best age to sleep on couches. His eyes slowly opened.

The first thing he saw was Rey sitting at the other end of the couch and staring at him with wide eyes. Ben tried a smile, but she evaded his gaze. Frowning, Ben sat up, too. “Good morning,” he said to her. Something was wrong. Something was definitely wrong, Ben thought.

He looked around the living room. Astra, he remembered. The girl was hopefully still asleep and hadn’t come looking for her mom, only to find her sleeping nakedly on the couch with a stranger. Well, they had gotten to know each other rather well for the short amount of time they had spent together. Astra had told him so much about herself – and Ben had gotten to know Rey pretty well, too. Even though he was more familiar with her body, with the way it convulsed with pleasure, the way it flushed, than with Rey’s character, her past, her dreams and wishes. “You have to go, Ben.”

Rey’s voice ripped him from his thoughts. “Huh?” was the only reply he managed. Rey was still not looking at him. Her eyes fixed on an imaginary spot on the carpet lying in the living room. “You have to go, Ben,” she repeated herself.

“Oh, okay.” Well at least, his reply was somewhat better than his last one. “I’m…” he stopped and locked around. He had to gather his clothes, and he had to check the time. It was Monday, and he had to be at work early.

“I don’t want Astra to see that you're still here.” Rey explained, not looking at him. Ben stood up and put on his clothes laying strayed around the couch. Rey's words hurt him. They pierced right through Ben, through that deep, hidden, secret spot, where his dream of family and home sat. But at the same time, he could understand Rey a little bit. There had to be rules, when you meet someone while having a kid. She was only acting as a protective mom - Ben admired her for her fierceness.

They would only need to get to know each other better. Maybe they could have dinner together with all three of them. Maybe Rey would go on a date with him. Even though he had woken up from that wonderful dream, he could still feel the bubble they had created yesterday. The bubble of security, and safety, and comfort, and care, and love.

Finally, Ben found his phone, and looked at the screen. A loud “Fuck!” escaped him. The _time_! It was too late. He was late… He had to be at the First Order building in a handful of minutes, but he couldn’t appear there looking like he did. He had to drive home first, get ready, and then drive to work. He would be so late, when he would arrive.

The bubble that still had given him comfort, burst, and every fear, every self-deprecating thought barreled back into him. Ben couldn’t breathe. The full reality of their situation suddenly hit him. The full reality of who he _was_. Of who he was working for. What had he done? What illusion had he succumbed to? What had he been thinking?

He was no dating material. He was no father material. He shouldn’t have come here. He should have stayed far away. He could never forget these hours he had spent with Rey and Astra. He would never be free of this memory. Right now, he could feel the happiness taint the rest of his life. He had experienced something so precious the rest of his life became even more bleak, more depressing. How could he handle all the following days, weeks, months, all the following years knowing what he would never have?

Ben was reeling, and Rey sensed his disturbance. She had heard his curse and her head had snapped up at it. She saw realization dawning on Ben’s face. She looked at him, and she was so sure she knew what was happening. Ben had realized he was too good for her. Ben had realized where he was. Ben had realized that he didn’t belong here. She could see it so clearly on his face. The disgust, the self-hate, the urge to _run_.

And she reacted like she always did, when pushed into a corner. She lashed out. She would protect herself and her family. How dared Ben to make her feel unworthy? How dared Ben to come here, gift her a wonderful evening and then destroy this dream the next morning?

She pushed herself up, blinked away the tears in her eyes. Ben had to go now. He should have already left. She should have never let him in. How dared he make her happy and then rip away the floor beneath her feet.

Ben saw Rey stand up; he saw the fire in her eyes. She was so angry; he didn’t understand why she was so angry. He couldn’t concentrate on her, couldn’t focus on her – even though this naked, beautiful woman with rage in her eyes looked glorious. He couldn’t allow himself to focus on her. He needed to find a way to handle Snoke.

What would Snoke do? There was no way Snoke wouldn’t know about Ben either arriving much too late to work, or in completely wrong clothes without having showered, without brushing his teeth, without making himself presentable.

Rey dressed herself quickly and then built herself up in front of Ben. He was still reeling, she could see it in his eyes, she felt it radiating from his body. He had to leave now. She pushed him into the direction of the door to make him move. Yesterday, he had been this unmovable mass, but now he seemed to have lost every footing. He stumbled. “Leave now, Ben.”

With two steps he was in her entrance area, when he pulled on his shoes, Ben looked up at her. Rey stood with arms crossed in front of her chest in the door leading into the living room. “Rey…” Ben said. He didn’t know if he wanted to say sorry, if he wanted to say something else, if he wanted to beg her for something. Ben only knew that he had to say something. “Don’t Ben! Just leave. Leave us alone and don’t come back.” Rey spat the words at him.

Ben flinched back as if she had slapped him. He knew he had to leave them. He knew he had to protect them from his life. But Rey, aiming that rage inside her against him, had hit him deeply. It teared at his heart.

But did he really deserve anything else from her? Rey was amazing. She was wonderful. She was gorgeous inside and out. He didn’t deserve her. He would only sully her, taint her, break her. He wasn’t fit to live with another human being. Even less when that human being was a single mother of a happy child.

He was a _monster_.

Ben had to distance himself from this small family. He had to act, as if they never existed. He had to protect them from the evil of his life, from the evil inside him. His family had been destroyed. He wouldn’t allow another one to suffer that same fate. He had to put Rey and Astra, his memories of them, into a small box and hide it, where that other, secret dream of his was stashed.

Ben took his coat and practically ran out of the door and to his car. He had to hurry, had to drive home. He had to wash himself, get rid of everything that would betray the events of the last day and the night. He couldn’t let anyone discover a hint of Rey and Astra.

Seeing Ben hurrying to his car as if he was chased, as if he couldn’t leave fast enough only amplified Rey’s anger. It had torn Rey apart handling Ben this way. But it was the right choice. It had been her only possible choice. She couldn’t allow him to worm his way into their lives, not if he reacted so disgusted in the morning. She had made the best decision possible for every party involved. They should have never met and so they would never meet again, Rey promised herself.

* * *

Rey had a few moments to calm herself down. Let all the emotions of the morning vanish into the quiet and frigid morning air. Then she had to wake her daughter and get her ready for school. Rey made breakfast and was glad, that it was a peaceful morning with Astra. The girl didn’t ask for Ben nor mentioned him. Instead, they were talking about what Astra would do at school, today. Rey reminded her that Finn would take her today.

She thought about telling Astra to not mention Ben to anyone. She didn’t want to handle her friends’ questions, should her daughter mention him in their presence. She didn’t want to talk about Ben, about what they did, about what happened this morning. But telling Astra to keep quiet about him would very surely backfire. The order would prompt her to talk about him. No, the best way would be to not mention Ben and hope, that Astra had forgotten about yesterday and wouldn’t mention anything.

Rey yearned for their routine, that safe routine of just the two of them. No strange, dangerous, glorious, warm men intruding on them. No massive men almost making her cry in pleasure. No sweet men joking around with her daughter. They needed only the two of them. Two was a good number. Three was dangerous.

After Astra had finished her breakfast, they made her ready for school and on time Finn knocked on the door to their apartment. “Uncle Finn!” Astra yelled and ran towards the door, there she waited for Rey to arrive. Her mother had told that Astra should never open the door without her present, and she remembered it, even if she was excited to see her uncle.

Rey stroked softly over her hair, glad that Astra remembered things like this. You never knew who waited on the other side of the door, and even if she wasn’t living in one of the worst neighborhoods anymore, Rey felt more secure if it was her opening the door.

When she pulled the door open, Finn grinned at her. He hugged his best friend and ruffled Astra’s hair, who complained loudly, then she grabbed his hand and pulled Finn into the apartment. “Where to little monkey?” Finn asked her. Together they walked into the kitchen.

Smiling, Rey was following them. Seeing her daughter with Finn was like balm for her soul. Her daughter had more than one person who loved her, she had so much support, and Finn was safe, he would never leave. Finn had found his husband, and he was still here. They had found their rhythm, even with the addition of her daughter and Poe as Finn’s husband. Rey tried to distract herself with the excitement of her daughter being entertained by her favorite uncle.

“So, what you wanna eat for dinner tonight, Astra?” Finn asked her. Most of the days, where he took her to school he was staying for dinner. Sometimes Poe was also joining, if he had no other appointments – the life of a lawyer seemed to be stressful. “Pizza?” he suggested.

An uneasy feeling filled Rey. Like a premonition it dawned on her, that in the next minute something would happen, that she would have rather prevented. Already, Astra was shaking her head. “I can’t eat pizza tonight,” she told Finn.

Befuddled he stared at her and tilted his head. That wasn’t the answer he had expected. “Why?” he wanted to know. Seriously Astra looked at him. “I had pizza yesterday. And mum said I am not allowed to eat pizza when I already had pizza yesterday.” She explained to him.

Her dear daughter was raised too good. Why couldn’t she be more like a child who tried to bend the rules? At least in that moment, Rey would have preferred it, even if she generally was glad, that Astra wasn’t like this in almost every other situation.

“It’s okay Astra, just this once I will allow it,” she told her. Rey hoped the joy about being allowed to eat pizza twice in as many days would supersede any conversation about yesterday. But Finn obviously had different plans. And normally she loved Finn’s jokes with her daughter, but right now she really didn’t need them. 

“You ate Pizza without me?” Finn pretended to be scandalized and Astra giggled, “but pizza is my favorite food,” he donned a superb fake pout. Astra went to him and Finn crouched down. She held one of her small hands against his cheeks and tried to comfort the much taller man. It was an adorable sight, but Rey dreaded the words that would come out of her daughter’s mouth. There simply was no way to stop it – not without making herself suspicious.

“Ben was here,” Astra told Finn in a very matter-of-fact voice, wanting him to understand, that they hadn’t purposely not invited Finn, but simply had someone else, a guest, over. Finn’s eyes jumped to Rey, he looked at her confused – again it hadn’t been the answer he had expected. Rey cringed as she met his gaze. “But next time you can come, too.” Astra offered.

“That’s very nice of you,” Finn thanked her, his eyes continued to flatter between the two girls. “Is Ben your friend?” he asked the younger one. Rey wanted nothing more than to escape that conversation. Why was the topic of Ben already haunting her? She had made him leave, why did Astra need to bring him up again… Rey sighed.

Then she saw Astra turning to her. “Is Ben my friend?” she wanted to know from her mother. Rey knew that she had to change her approach. There was no possibility of ignoring yesterday, the only thing left was to go into offense. She crouched next to Finn and answered her daughter. “No, he isn’t Astra. You need to have more than one conversation with someone to become their friend.” Astra nodded in reply. What her mother told her made much sense. How could she know someone, if she only had met them once?

“So, Ben is your… friend?” Finn looked at Rey, and lifted one eyebrow. Rey glared at him. She knew what he was insinuating, and she hated that he wasn’t totally wrong. But Ben was gone now – and he wouldn’t come back. She may have made a mistake, but she wouldn’t be shamed for it – _that_ she could do herself well enough. “No, he isn’t,” she replied brusquely. Then she told him what happened yesterday during shopping, and how they had invited Ben as a thank-you. Then she told Finn how Ben had left after she had brought Astra to bed.

Finn didn’t seem to believe her, but Rey had enough. She made her way to the door; she wanted to escape that conversation and she needed to get to work, anyway. She said goodbye to Astra and Finn – the latter one told her he didn’t quite believe her with Ben and that they would talk about him again. Rey snapped. She didn’t want to think about him anymore. She didn’t want to talk about him anymore. She didn’t want to remember that wretched Sunday anymore and anything that happened then. She just wanted to forget, forget it ever happened, forget she had been so stupid.

“We will never see Ben again; he will never be back in here again. He will never set his foot into this apartment ever again.” She told Finn. Rage was building in her eyes again. Rey huffed and let Finn stand in the open door, his mouth slightly parted, too surprised to say anything.

* * *

Ben hurried out of the building of Rey’s apartment and entered his car. He focused on his breathing. He had to concentrate, if he wanted to drive now, if he didn’t want to lose anymore time. He feared what Snoke would do to him. He didn’t know if he should call the office, or not. What would the lie be, that he would tell everyone?

Never before Ben had driven as reckless as now. Never before he had gotten ready as fast as he did today, when he had reached his home. Never before had he spent less time to choose his outfit. His heart was beating faster and faster.

The entrance to the underground carpark beneath the First Order building looked like the mouth of hell to Ben today – even on the better days, it was the dark hole that greeted Ben every morning to the job where he sold his soul.

On his way out of the car and up to his office, Ben continued to wreck his mind for a better excuse, why he was late, than that he overheard his alarms and had overslept. Something that might be able to throw Snoke off of any suspicion.

Ben cursed himself for joining Rey and Astra for dinner, he cursed himself for giving into the allure that was Rey, he cursed himself for falling asleep with her. He would pay for this mistake. Snoke would make him pay for being late. Ben’s own mind would make himself pay for indulging into a fantasy, a dream that would never be his.

When Ben stepped out of the elevator and walked through the hallways to his office, ignoring all the curious gazes of his co-workers and subordinates, he resigned himself to not find any better excuse. Instead, he prepared himself for Snoke’s punishment. Ben wondered if he would make him wait, if he was angry enough to come storming shortly after he sat down, or if Snoke would make him come to his office.

Ben disregarded the latter thought. Snoke would relish in the opportunity to publicly call him out. Snoke would love it to walk down to his office, everyone knowing what he would do in Ben’s office, and then yelling at him, shaming him openly.

Right in the moment, he had settled down, Ben heard the noises from outside his office fall silent. That could mean only one thing – Snoke was on his way. And only a few moments later – just enough time for Ben to take one deep breath trying to steel himself against the onslaught of abuse Snoke would hurl at him, his door was pushed open and Snoke descended on him.

“KYLO REN!” Snoke’s venomous voice was causing chills on Ben’s skin. “How gracious of you to honor us with your presence on this day.” Snoke’s sarcasm was permeating the entire office. “Pray tell, my dear boy, what kept you from arriving on a much earlier convenience this morning?”

Ben sat stiffly on his chair, his head slightly bend down to show submission, he didn’t need to egg Snoke on more. Ben hoped that this conversation would be over rather fast. Even though hearing the name, he wore since he began for the First Order hit him differently now than it had on Friday. After hearing Astra calling him Ben, after hearing Rey calling him Ben, after hearing her moaning his name in pleasure, it had lost much of its former annoyance. “I’m sorry, Sir. I overheard my alarms this morning and overslept. It won’t happen again.”

Snoke’s eyes bored themselves into Ben. There was no way, he would ever believe his lies, but Ben hadn’t been able to come up with a better plan, so he was stuck with this. And he would see it through. He wouldn’t speak one word about his whereabouts on Sunday evening and Monday morning. Snoke could never know about him. For Ben’s own sake, but even more for Rey and Astra’s. Snoke would never be allowed to get his horrifying fingers on them.

“Do you think me a fool?” Snoke sneered at him. “Do you think I’ll believe such obvious lies?” Snoke only waited a short moment, not really expecting Ben to react in any kind. “You are so like your father, young Solo, you think you can wiggle yourself out of any situation, think just telling things will make them come true.”

At the mention of his father, of his family name, Ben clenched his teeth. He didn’t want to be remembered of them. He didn’t want to be associated to them. It was one thing to go by the name Ben in the happy bubble of Rey and Astra’s home; it was another if it was used as an attack by Snoke against him.

He had cut his family out of his life for good reasons. He had to protect himself – and they didn’t want him, anyway. And after he had lost himself in the First Order, it was to protect them of him, his affiliation with the First Order, and Snoke.

The mention of his family name was also a painful reminder for Ben, that he could never go back to them. Not that he often allowed himself to wish for a reunion with his parents, but the few times he did, he was painfully aware, that they would never want him back. They couldn’t handle him as a child, had sent him away, they wouldn’t want to welcome back the person he had become. If they didn’t want him when he was younger and innocent, they would even want him less now that he was older and definitely not innocent anymore.

“It will never happen again,” Ben promised Snoke - he had to get Snoke out of his sight. Ben tried to apply the breathing techniques he had learned in therapy, trying to focus his mind to not lose control.

“Make sure, it doesn’t,” Snoke ordered him, then he turned around but stopped as he stood in the open door. “I created you Kylo Ren. I made you who you are today. You are nothing without me. You would be a homeless street rat. Without me you would be dead. Remember that. Remember that I am your god. As I created you, I can also obliterate you.” Then Snoke left.

Ben sat in his chair, trying to get his trembling hands under control. His mind was reeling, Snoke’s words, his threats tormenting Ben. He tried to focus on the screen before him, tried to understand what it was showing, tried to work – but he couldn’t.

Ben stood up, he planned on getting some coffee, maybe that would help him calm down again. As he left his office, he noticed that everyone was staring at him from the corner of their eyes. One or two years ago he would have yelled at them. Let his frustration out. Told them to go back to work, but he had changed. He was still abrasive, unapproachable, and broody, but he wasn’t making their day much worse than it was, anyway. But rumors prevailed, too many people had lived through his outbursts or had heard of them. Ben hated it. He hated everything of it. But what else was there for him? He had lost himself, and there was no way back, only forward. But the road forward had no turnoffs, he couldn’t leave it. And so he had to drive on, and on, and on.

* * *

After a long day at work, Rey was glad to be back home. Even though she feared, how Finn would react to her outburst that morning. Cautiously she entered her apartment. She heard the faint voices of her daughter and her best friend, so she presumed they were in Astra’s room at the other end of the apartment.

Rey took a deep breath. She steeled herself for the questions Finn would probably have. She didn’t want to talk about Ben, but maybe she could Finn just tell, that he would never be back here. That it simply had been a dinner to thank him. Just one of these things that no one would ever remember in a few years. One of these things, where you met someone, really hit it off for a day, but where there was no obligation to ever meet again.

Finn had already prepared the water for the spaghetti and the tomato sauce. Rey turned the stove on, so the three of them could eat in a few minutes. Then she heard the voice from her daughter running through the hallway.

“Hi, mommy! You’re back,” Astra called out and jumped into Rey’s open arms. She pulled her daughter into her embrace. Behind Astra, Finn was trailing into the kitchen. After setting her daughter on a chair at the kitchen table, she hugged him too to greet him. “I’ve decided to not interrogate you on this Ben.” Finn told her quietly.

Rey tightened her embrace. A stone fell from her heart. “Thank you, Finn. He won’t ever be here again – it was just a onetime dinner.” She answered as silently as he had spoken. Finn pulled back slightly, and, in his eyes, she saw, that he wasn’t buying it. “I know, there is something you aren’t telling me,” he confirmed her thoughts, “maybe you will someday.” It was something between a wish, a question, and a simple statement. Re nodded and turned back to the stove to hide her glassy eyes.

From there on, the evening took a much nicer course. Astra told Rey about her day. The three enjoyed their dinner and made plans to meet on the following weekend – together with Poe, and Rose. Only after Finn had left and Astra was sleeping, Ben was seeping back into her mind.

She didn’t want to think of him. She didn’t want to remember the fun she had with him, for only then she the morning after replayed in her mind. She didn’t want to see the future she could have had with someone like him, the domesticity of their dinner, playing in her head, for only then always seeing the poison of their morning afterward.

She tried to hold herself together the entire week. Every morning she was waking up, longing for Ben’s embrace – and hating herself for it. She didn’t need him. She shouldn’t want him. She wanted to forget him. But she couldn’t – and maybe, somewhere deep inside her, she also didn’t really want to.

Ben and the memory of him had wormed itself deep inside her. It had settled down there, unremovable. The longing for his presence and the hate for him leaving warred inside her. Rey told herself that it was for the best. She couldn’t allow someone to breach her walls like Ben had. She couldn’t allow someone as dangerous as him into her home.

Ben would make them get used to his presence, and then he would leave them, he would rip a hole into the thing they would have created. She knew that would happen. She had lived through it too often. Rey needed to protect herself and her daughter.

Finn was a friend. Finn had Poe. Finn was safe. Him she had allowed to get close. Rose was a friend. And her friendliness, her resilience had managed to grab her place at Rey’s table. But Rose was dependable. Rey hadn’t been able to deny Rose, because she had wanted Rose as a friend. And in that capacity Rose was safe. In that capacity it was okay, that she had allowed Rose to get close. But Ben was an unknown risk. Ben would never be just a friend. Their evening had proved that. Ben would be more. She would make more place for Ben in her life than she had for anyone else. And then they always left. Whoever Rey let get closer than a good, profound friendship had left her. Her parents, who should have loved her forever, had left her. Ben would leave her, too.

Rey knew she was damaged goods. And Ben was so pristine, so rich. She couldn’t keep up with him, she couldn’t give him what he wanted. She got dirty in her job. She was a single mom. She didn’t come from a rich background. She was an orphan. In the long haul, Ben would want someone different from her – and she wouldn’t allow him to string her along, string her daughter along, until he found someone better. She would always protect her daughter.

But Ben stayed seared into her mind. How his fingers had traveled across her body, how his mouth had felt. His lips on her lips. His tongue on her clit. His fingers inside her. He had carried her, carried her to the couch. He had filled her, filled her completely. Something had in her had felt completed by that – as if the universe finally righted itself as he had sheathed himself inside her. Ben had made her feel so good, so light, so _sated_. She wished she could have a repetition of that evening, of that feeling. An easy, safe, and uncomplicated repetition – just to help her along for the weeks, months, years following where she would be alone. Rey wished she would have known that that evening would be the last time she saw, felt, touched Ben, because she would have paid extra attention to him. Let the feeling cling on, so that treacherous part of her mind wouldn’t wish for his return now.

* * *

The following days were hell for Ben. Snoke made him work longer and harder, made more and more snidely and spiteful comments. Ben was worn thinner and thinner. He longed for the easiness of this one Sunday evening life had gifted – cursed? – him with. He had sworn to himself he would try to repress it, but it wasn’t possible. Not in the state he was in.

Not enough sleep, the heavier workload, Snoke, the frustration and hurt of Rey’s words on Monday morning – all of it was wearing Ben down. He needed a break, but he couldn’t get one. He longed for a comforting touch, but there was no one who would touch him. He wished for laughter, but his days were bleak and joyless.

On Saturday Ben had enough. He had reached his breaking point. Snoke had ordered him to come to work – there were things to be done, forms to be signed, calls to be made. But he couldn’t concentrate on the words in front of him, couldn’t concentrate on the calls he was doing.

What was he doing here? Ben couldn’t stop asking himself. What was he doing right now? Why was he doing what he was doing? Why couldn’t he stop? Why couldn’t he just fucking stop? He didn’t want Snoke in his life anymore. He didn’t want the First Order in his life anymore. Why was there no alternative to this?

He had always felt so lost. Never fitted in anywhere. When had been the last time he felt at ease? When had been the last time he had felt welcome? When had been the last time he had felt joy? When had been the last time he had wanted to be somewhere?

Completely unprompted his mind offered him his answer. It wasn’t some childhood memory, not a singular event in his youth, not some time on college. The last time he had felt everything he had just thought of, had been with Rey – and with Astra. They had made him feel welcome – at least until Monday morning.

Ben was spiraling. He needed that feeling back. He felt like he was living through withdrawal. Just that one evening had been enough to make him addicted. It had made him addicted to laughter, to family, to home. It had made him addicted to the easy and comforting presence of Astra and Rey.

Rey! Rey! Rey! He wanted to see her again. He didn’t know how he had survived the last days without her. Without smelling her. Without tasting her. Without touching her, kissing her. Without fucking her.

What had he done? What had she done? What had THEY done? He couldn’t get her out of his mind. The memory was dangling in front of him and he couldn’t ignore it. He wanted to have her again. Make her let out all these small noises of pleasure, that she had muffle so she wouldn’t wake her daughter. He wanted to make her quiver with pleasure again.

Ben had caused so much pain in the world. He was like a bull in a china shop – only destroying, only breaking whichever way he was turning. But that one evening he had caused pleasure and joy. He needed a repeat of that. He needed to do it again.

Through the haze of his thoughts and emotions, Ben tried to get a hold of himself again. He felt how close he was to lose himself again – though this time it wasn’t something that could be fixed by prescribing himself a day of rest per week, where he could replenish his resources. No, this time it was something full unattainable.

As best as he could, Ben concentrate on his work. He did his best to not let himself get distracted again, but his entire skin itched. The yearning inside him felt like it was manifesting itself on his skin, trying to get closer to Rey. To satisfy that longing.

Ben gave up, he wouldn’t get anymore work done. And the quality of it would never meet Snoke’s requirement. Ben decided it was time to drive back to his apartment – maybe he would find something that could distract him further there.

It was dark outside as his car rolled out of the underground car park – almost eight p.m. His mind provided him with the information that, should he drive to Rey’s apartment, Astra would probably be asleep already, judging on the other evening he had spent there.

Ben tried to forget this information, tried to debunk it – maybe, Astra had to go to bed later on Saturdays than Sundays. He didn’t want to act on the information. Rey surely would not be happy about him standing in front of her door. It was unwise to go to her. What if Snoke would get wind of him driving there?

While Ben was arguing with himself, he continued to drive. When he actively concentrated on the surrounding streets again, he noticed, that he had driven to Rey’s neighborhood. Only a few meters further, and he would stand in front of her building, if his memory was serving him right – and his memory rarely failed him.

His heart was thumping heavily. Maybe, Ben could just drive slowly past the building. Surely that would hurt no one. No one would ever know – only him. Just one time. To say goodbye. To be able to let it go.

The car basically parked itself in front of the building. Ben’s hands were tightly gripping the steering wheel. He shouldn’t step out, that would be too much. He wouldn’t leave the car. He would just calm down drive away and never look back. Ben nodded at himself.

The driver’s door opened, and Ben flinched. Then he noticed that it was his own hand, that had opened it. Maybe he just needed some fresh air. Some fresh air to clean his mind, let it clear out all unwanted thoughts. Again, he nodded to himself.

Ben stepped out of the car and looked towards the building. He bit on his lip. What would Rey say, should he appear before her door? Would she yell at him? Probably not, she wouldn’t want to wake her daughter. Would she look at him with that beautiful rage in her eyes? Probably. She hadn’t invited him, and he might be intruding.

Had she missed him? Rey had been so angry that morning, so different. She had told him to never come back. To leave them alone. But there had been something between. He had felt it. She had felt it. They had _acted_ on it. 

In the meantime, he had walked to the door of her building – the door hadn’t looked right, he could just walk in. He ascended the stairs thinking about what to say to her. What would she do, when she opened the door? What should he do? What did he want to do?

Then he stood in front of Rey’s door. Ben’s hand neared the doorbell, but then he remembered that this could wake Astra. He didn’t want to do that, nor would Rey like it. So, Ben decided to knock – not too loud, not too often but audible. His heart was thumping faster and faster, blood was rushing in his ears. Excitement and tension were clouding his mind.

First, Rey thought she had misheard it. Who would knock at her door at almost nine P.M.? But then she was glad that they had knocked, or else Astra would have woken up again, and she just had managed to get the girl to sleep.

Rey tried to think of who could wait on the other side of the door. Finn or Poe would have called her. Rose wouldn’t be here that late. Maybe a neighbor? But the people in this building weren’t the kind who were just knocking at other people’s doors.

Ben… That was the next name her mind went to. He knew where she lived. He had seemed considerate enough to not ring a bell this late in the day. But why should Ben come here? Why would Ben be knocking at her door on a Saturday night? No, Ben would never willingly come here again. She had been responsible for that.

Rey reached the door and held her breath. Then the knocks came again. Rey let her breath go and opened the door. Her eyes went wide, and she stocked, then she blinked, and then blinked again. What was Ben doing here? She looked right, then left, then back at Ben. He looked at her with the same wide-eyed expression.

At his eyes staring at her, Rey remembered what she was wearing. She had dressed for bed; she wore sweat-pants – no underpants – and a ratty t-shirt. But Ben was wearing a suit. It looked so good on him. Rey swallowed. “Ben…” His name escaped her mouth in a stuttered whisper.

“Rey,” he answered in the same manner. Ben’s eyes were still taking her in, her entire body, wandered over every part of her, every part he had spent much too little time exploring – but what a time it had been!

“What are you doing here, Ben?” Rey asked him, but she didn’t manage to sound dismissive and unwelcoming. Her body had taken control – or rather her pussy. Instead, her voice sounded tense and excited. Rey saw Ben’s Adam’s apple bop.

“I can’t forget it, Rey. I just can’t.” was Ben’s answer. He wrung his hands in front of him. Rey observed how they twitched, as if they had a mind of their own and Ben was fighting their urge to move. His eyes held a wildness in them, that triggered something deep in her. She felt herself become slowly wetter.

“What are you talking about?” Rey asked him. Maybe she could pretend that there had never been anything. Maybe pretending would help her not to do the one thing, she really, really wanted to do right now. Her hands gripped the door on the one side and the doorframe on the other side. If she wasn’t holding on to this, she feared they would take Ben’s shirt and haul him inside to where she wanted him.

“Do you really want to tell me you’re not constantly remembering that night? Do you really want to lie to me and say you didn’t wish you could experience it again?” Ben told her. Rey was sure he knew she was only pretending. Somehow, he knew. Somehow, he saw directly inside her, saw the fire, saw the wetness. Somehow, he knew how horny she was right now.

Ben’s mind was racing. Rey was so close. He could smell her. He could see her freckles. He wanted her. He needed to feel her again. He had to hold her close. Make his way across her body. Elicit all these small and grand moments of pleasure out of her.

“Fuck me,” Rey told him. She didn’t want to deny herself anymore. She couldn’t deny herself anymore. Ben was right in front of her. He had come back. She had pushed him away, and he had come back. It was distracting her. It was confusing her. People didn’t come back, after she pushed them away. But Ben was right there. He stood there. He told her he couldn’t forget her.

It strengthened that fire in her, that only he could extinguish. She needed to have him again. She needed to feel that feeling again. She needed to feel him again. Her hands left the door and its frame and gripped onto him. For a small part of a second, Ben’s eyes seemed to widen in fear as if he believed she would push him away, but she did the opposite, she dragged him inside, into the small entrance area of her apartment.

Ben closed the door with one hand, then both went into her hair and they held her head. With a growl, Ben pressed into her, pushed her into the wall. She had gotten used to it quickly last time. The overwhelming of feeling of Ben all around her. Not being able to escape him.

Ben’s giant hand immediately found its way where Rey needed it. It pushed inside her sweatpants. He groaned when he felt she wore nothing beneath it. She felt his hand rubbing roughly over a clit and she hissed. Then he was just grabbing her. His entire hand enveloping her cunt. She felt its warmth, the callouses on it. With both her hands she grabbed his lower arm, that was inside her pants. She had to steady herself.

Rey’s eyes were unable to leave Ben’s. They were locked onto each other. They were bound to each other. Then Ben’s fingers were moving. Two of them were prodding at her entrance. Two at the same time. Two thick fingers trying to find their inside her.

Rey’s mouth fell open, she wanted to scream. It was just so much. They were too big, too wide. She felt how they stretched her. She felt them opening her up. Rey had to relieve that tension inside her, it had to get out. She wanted to groan, to moan, to scream, but no sound came from her.

Her eyes just stared into Ben’s, whose own mouth had opened, too. It was so close to hers. She needed to feel it. She wanted to kiss him. She needed to have a distraction from his fingers that were pushing inside her. Then his hand settled against her. His palm pressed against her clit, two of his fingers inside her – gradually opening her up more and more.

Then his fingers began to thrust. They thrusted and thrusted and thrusted – and at the same time his mouth was finally on hers. His other hand holding the back of her head, so that his force wouldn’t bang her head against the wall.

His fingers pumped into her, his palm was pressing rhythmically against her clit, and his lips pressed against hers. She felt his tongue enter her mouth. All her moans were directly traveling into his mouth, he swallowed them all.

Rey felt so good. His fingers were curling inside her. His arm was so wide, she could hold on to him so good. She felt the strength of her legs weakening as Ben pumped into her. Rey felt herself quiver, clenching around him. Her heart twist with pleasure.

Her ears were ringing, and it took her some time before she realized Ben was talking to her between their kisses. It took her some time, before the words could reach her mind through the haze of pleasure enveloping her. Then her mind comprehended the praise he was showering her with. Ben was telling how good she felt around his fingers, how wet she was, how good she smelled, how beautiful she was.

Rey’s thighs began to clamp around Ben’s hand. She sensed the onset of her orgasm; felt how she would gush over his hand. Apparently, Ben felt it, too. His mouth applied itself to the delicate skin under her ear and _sucked_. His free hand went from the back of her head to her breast and _squeezed_.

Rey had to clamp one of her hands that were holding onto Ben in front of her mouth, she had to muffle the desperate sounds she was making. She felt her orgasm to begin, couldn’t hold her eyes open anymore, tried to concentrate on the sensations of Ben’s mouth on her neck, his hand on her breast, his other _inside_ of her, stroking that sweet spot.

Then she came. Gushed around his hand, a shock went through her. Ben’s hand went around her waist to keep her upright, because Rey couldn’t, she couldn’t anymore. Her head fell against Ben’s shoulder, her legs were shaking.

Finally, she could breathe again, her entire body feeling so right after being pleasured by Ben. But as her eyes met his eyes, heat bloomed in her again. She was consumed by the blackness inside of them. She wanted to be consumed by it.

Ben turned her around, and Rey rested her head against the cool wall. She felt him crouch behind her, his hands finding her waist and taking her sweatpants into his hands – then he waited. Rey took a second to realize he was waiting for her permission. Even through their electrifying experience, he stopped himself. “Do it, Ben,” she allowed it “please!”

He pulled her sweatpants down and pressed kisses at her ass, groaning into the flesh. Then his mouth wandered over her back, along her spine, to her neck. His hands left her body, and she heard Ben lose his clothes.

Then his muscled chest met her back, and she groaned. “Quiet,” Ben ordered her. His voice spoke directly into her ear, deep and alluring, and Rey nodded hastily. Then she felt his dick slit between her thighs. Ben involuntarily pressed forward at the feeling of her wet cunt against his dick, he couldn’t stop the moan coming out of his mouth. When he came into contact with her clit, Rey hissed arching her back into him.

He tried again to find her entrance, to slip into her. This time he found it, and began to press into her, to stretch her silk walks, his hot dick slowly filling her. She felt how her walls caressed his girth, welcomed him in her. Then she felt his pelvis pressing against her ass, his arms pulling her against him.

She had to hold on to something, but there was nothing. There was only wall in front of her and Ben behind her. Thrusting into her. It didn’t work very well; he was just so tall – but she wanted to be fucked by him from behind. But not here, not standing in the entrance area of her apartment.

“Turn me around,” Rey requested, “turn me around, Ben.” Quickly he pulled out of her. Rey turned around and slung her hands around his neck. “Hold me, Ben,” she asked him. Ben seemed to understand her, because in the next moment his hands went to the spot where her ass met her thigh. He groped the flesh there, and another shiver ran through Rey. His massive hands were just covering so much of her everywhere they went.

Then Ben was lifting her up and held her. Rey searched with one hand for his dick. When she found it, she relished in the soft and hard feeling of it. She jerked it several times for good measure, and then pressed it against her heat, let it slip into her. Ben took a step forward and Rey felt the wall in her back again.

Ben hilted himself inside her, pressed himself all the way in. Rey interlaced her legs behind. She needed to hold on to him. Because she already felt that this would be good. It would feel so glorious and wonderful. She had to hold herself secure on the ride she would experience now.

Moans were flowing out of her mouth and Ben quickly connected it with his to silence her, to silence them both, because honestly, he wasn’t much quieter. Ben holding her up against the wall, fucking into her dripping cunt, made Rey’s insides clench with lust. Feeling him filling her, while suspended in air, kissing him, feeling his tongue against hers, made her quiver. She felt her toes curling, her thighs clasping his waist.

She felt that familiar coil inside her twist with pleasure, this heady feeling of being fucked against a wall by a big dick stretching her pussy, dragging and dragging against that wonderful spot on her front wall, her clit rubbing against his pelvis.

Rey’s head lolled forward, she couldn’t focus on continuing kissing him, there was just so much Ben around her, against her, _inside_ her. Her head fell onto his shoulder, moans spilling out of her at every thrust. But Ben had told her to be quieter, and she wanted to obey him, wanted to do as he said.

Rey tried to attach her mouth to his shoulder, tried to muffle her moans into his skin, but the rocking motion of him against her made it so difficult. And she wanted to show him how good he made her feel, wanted to know how blissed-out she was of being fucked by him.

Puncturing every word with a thrust, Ben told her to keep herself silent, to use her hands to do it, but she needed her hands to hold on to him, she needed her hands around his neck to keep her in this place, where he could fill her so wonderfully. So, Rey did the next best thing, as another moan was rolling out of her mouth, she used her teeth to keep her mouth attached to his shoulder.

Ben felt Rey’s teeth softly digging into the skin of his shoulder. The slight pain mixing with the wondrous feeling of her tight pussy clenching and spasming around his cock, her wet skin clamping to him. He needed her to come. He needed her to come again, to come around his cock, so he could come too, so he could spill into her.

Ben shifted Rey slightly in his arms, his hands now able to palm her ass, he tried to concentrate on the soft feeling of her behind in his hands, while he was thrusting into her heat from the front. His dick was applying more pressure to her front wall now, and Ben could feel how Rey’s body began to twitch, the signs of her beginning orgasm.

He felt a louder groan at his shoulder, and then Rey’s teeth bit down stronger, binding herself to him, while she came, milking his cock, dragging him with her, triggering his own orgasm. They felt intimately connected, as he spilled into her quivering pussy.

They kept still for another minute, basking in each other’s heat and proximity. As Ben’s cock softens, he let her down cautiously, holding onto her as she tested out the strength of her legs. When they knew they would keep her up, he let her stand on her own. Heavily breathing their eyes found each other, just staring not knowing what the next step would or should be. Feeling sticky between her thighs, one of Rey’s hands found Ben’s lower arm, his arms still holding onto her waist.

They opened their mouths at the same time, wanting to speak, but shut down immediately. A blush was gracing both their faces. Neither wanted to take the first step to decide what happened next, the memory of what they just did, still permeating the air around them. Both had made a decision last Monday, but had made decisions shortly before Ben had knocked on her door, but as Sunday evening everything looked different when they held each other this close, everything felt different when they were together. Everything felt right, as long as they were next to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everything in this chapter was to your liking. I decided to not resolve the situation between Rey and Ben, but let you wait for the next chapter, and I'm not sorry about that (maybe I still have to decide how much and about what they will talk...)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey finally use some time to really talk with each other. A Sunday full of peace and fluff, and emotional comfort, before the storm will begin anew in the next chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I reached the usual word length for the chapter of this story, I had only half of the things written that I planned to include in this chapter, so I have to add another chapter to this story.

“Why are you here, Ben?” Rey asked him defensively. She had to protect her heart, even though it wanted nothing else than to just jump out into Ben’s arms, arms that were still connected to her waist, where he was holding her, arms that she was still feeling under her hands. It was a weird situation – standing naked in her entrance area, cum dripping down her legs.

“I… I don’t know… not really sure,” Ben’s eyes flitted over Rey’s face, around her apartment. Dread spread through Rey’s body – she didn’t know what she had expected from Ben, but this wasn’t it. She didn’t know exactly which words she wanted to hear, but these words weren’t it.

Ben sensed the change in Rey. It felt wrong, so wrong. She seemed to distance herself from him again. Ben saw himself losing hold again, losing himself in everything else. He couldn’t allow it. He had lived through hell this week. He wanted to keep this small family safe; he wanted to protect them from the First Order, from Snoke, from his life, from _him._

But how could something that should be so wrong, feel so right? If he was unable to escape Rey, as this evening had proved, should he continue to try and hurt himself – and maybe her – even more in the process? Him staying here could paint a target on their backs, but him staying away didn’t necessarily solve that problem. This week had proved that Ben was forever changed. He couldn’t pretend anymore, maybe he couldn't have for a long time.

His work would suffer if he stayed away – it already had. And Snoke would investigate the source of his distraction, and Ben would never be able to hide something like this from Snoke. Snoke would find a way to get to the source of it all. What would keep Rey and Astra safer? Him staying away and praying Snoke wouldn’t eventually find them – or trying to stay with her and defending her with all his might?

Before Rey could react, before she could pull away, Ben tightened his hold on her waist. “I know only a few things, Rey.” She was tilting her head, now curiously looking at him. “I know I can never forget you – you and your daughter. I know I constantly missed you. I missed the dinner we had. I missed the joy we had. I missed holding you in my arms. I missed touching you – touching you _everywhere_.”

Ben could see how Rey’s breathing got heavier. He could see her mind turning and turning. He didn’t know what she was thinking about, but she was thinking and not casting him away. She was still holding his arms in her hands and wasn’t pulling away. That had to count for something, hadn’t it?

Maybe he had to continue to lay his heart bare in front of her. He knew it wasn’t a beautiful heart. Many people even claimed he had no heart. But Ben knew that wasn’t true. It was a heart of stone. He had calcified it to protect his sanctum. It wasn’t a beautiful thing. It wasn’t red, beating, lively. There was a dark and gray layer, a protective shield around it. But it was the only thing of his he could offer her, the only thing that still belonged to him. Everything else he had sold to the First Order, to Snoke. His strength, his life, his power, his soul. 

So, Ben offered Rey his heart. “I hate it, Rey,” he told her, and a confused look shot through her eyes. Ben cursed himself. Why wasn’t he more eloquent? Why wasn’t he better in things like this? “Please listen to me, Rey,” he begged. “I hate it to miss all of this. I hate it when I laughed and enjoyed myself here last Sunday. I hate it that Astra conquered me without me being able to put up any defenses. I hate it that I can’t stop myself to long for you, to search for you, to always come back to you. I hate myself, because I cannot stop thinking of you, wanting you, dreaming of you. I hate it, because I love it. And loving something is dangerous. It makes you vulnerable. If I want something, I can lose it. If I want something, you can deny me. And you would be right to do it. I want you, but I don’t know if I’m good for you. And I hate it, because I want to be. I so desperately want to be good for you.”

Heavily breathing, Ben stopped. He had done it. In front of him was his heart. Open and vulnerable. She could stab it. She could burn it. She could obliterate it. Rey had all the power. Right now, she could make him do everything she wanted. Slowly, Ben allowed himself to look into her eyes. He gulped as he saw the tears running down her cheeks.

Rey hadn’t been able to stop the tears. Hadn’t been able to stop them forming behind her eyes. Hadn’t been able to stop them pushing to the front. Hadn’t been able to stop them from flowing down her face.

She was trying to find a reasonable reaction to Ben’s speech. Her heart had already decided, her soul had already decided. But Rey wanted to be sure, wanted her heart, her soul, and her head to be in alignment.

Ben hadn’t looked her into her eyes as he had told her of his hate, of his love, of his vulnerabilities, of his wants. He had pleaded with her, had made himself so small and low in front of her. She sensed he had shown her all his cards, gave her all the knowledge he could provide so she could announce her verdict.

Not that he had told her all of his past, all of his misdeeds that caused him to think he wasn’t good. She didn’t know of the things done to him, that made him the man he was today. But she knew the essentials, his inmost being, his heart. She knew what he thought of himself, she knew what he thought of her, and she knew what he wanted. The only thing missing was what she wanted.

Rey shivered. They were both still naked. They were still messy. It was carnal to have him so fully naked before her – in a physical and spiritual sense. But what did she want? Her heart wanted to wrap itself around his. Her soul wanted to fill the spaces in him, he thought were without one. She wanted to show him the light she had seen in him.

Her mind… Her mind told her that no one would understand. No one would tell her it would be the right decision to let this man into her home, into her heart. Not this fast, not after the week they had. Not without knowing more about him.

But sending him away right now would break her heart. She had been afraid he would leave her. She had been afraid he would judge her. She had been afraid he would hurt them. But the man in front of her had given her all the power she needed. He had bound himself to her. He felt too much to be able to leave. He hated being away too much as that he could leave her. He loved being here too much, as that he could stay away. 

“I am afraid, Ben,” she told him. Rey saw his eyes widen, and she stroked her hands over his comfortingly. “I am so afraid, Ben. I am afraid to make the wrong choice. I am afraid you’ll leave us. I am afraid that finally getting what I always wanted won’t be the happy ending I always dreamed of.”

Contrary to Ben, she had locked her eyes with his. He had looked at everything else, because he had stripped down and had given her everything he had, so he had needed one last thing to not fall apart in front of her. But Rey, she wasn’t giving Ben something. She was taking. She was taking his offer. She was taking his courage. She was taking him. And she needed him to see this truth in her eyes.

“I am afraid, but you make me brave. You make me want to be courageous. You fill my fear with your presence. You make me want to be afraid, because with you I am entirely unafraid. This dream I have, it was so bright, it hurt me, it blended me, but together with you it becomes homely, safe, want-able, achievable.”

The tears on Ben’s face matched her own. But there was a smile beneath it, there was hope beneath it, light sparking between them – and maybe something else, something more, something that almost felt like love, home, and family.

“Stay, Ben,” she told him, and suddenly the man in front of her – almost a head taller and double as wide – sagged into her arms. Rey staggered, trying to keep herself on her feet. She could feel relief rolling from him in waves. She knew she had made the right decision. She wanted nothing else than to keep him close, stay in his arms, protect him as he would protect her.

They gathered their clothes, and Rey led them to her bedroom. Quietly they sneaked past Astra’s room, who gladly was still deep asleep. After they had gotten cleaned up and ready for bed, Ben laid down first, and because Rey’s bed wasn’t really built for the space the two of them needed, she laid down half on top of him. Her head was using his chest as a pillow. Her legs were intertwined with his, and like a koala she clung to him. Ben’s arms had tightened around her. Right in this moment, she felt like he would never let her go, would never send her away, would never leave her anywhere.

Rey felt Ben’s finger slowly stroking across her upper arm. She heard the rumble of his voice begin in his chest, before the first words left his mouth. “What will we do in the morning?” he asked. Rey’s own fingers were wandering across Ben’s muscled chest and abs. She relished in the shivers she was eliciting from him. “What do you mean?” she replied.

“We’re not alone in this apartment,” Ben elaborated his question, and Rey thought about what the best course of action would be. She didn’t want to send him away before Astra woke up. She wanted them to eat breakfast together. Maybe they could tell her parts of the truth and then see how she reacted, and take it from there.

She proposed her thoughts to Ben. “We’ll make breakfast, and when she asks, we tell her we had a sleep-over, because we care about each other and you didn’t want to sleep in an empty apartment.” Ben thought about Rey’s suggestion. Like the last time with Astra, he was constantly wondering what would be the best thing for her. If there were any rules or simple mistakes, he had to consider. The only other people, he had ever been close with, who had experience with raising a child, where his parents - and looking at him, they hadn't been really succeesful and Ben also had no contact to them, so he even if he wanted he couldn't just ask them.

“So, we basically tell her everything besides the fact that we are…” Ben stopped. They hadn’t really labeled anything between. And Ben didn’t feel like they needed to. Their conversation several minutes ago had gone much further than just labeling their relationship. Ben decided to use the easiest phrase “… together?”

Rey heard the double question in that last word. “Yes,” she answered. “Yes, we’re telling her everything besides that we’re together. And yes, we’re together.” She pressed a kiss against one of his pectorals and smiled softly as she felt the tremble running through him at that sensation. As dominant as he had been, when they had fucked both times, as soft as he was in these moments.

“It will be a lot for Astra, and I want to see how she’ll react to everything. And then we can talk about our next steps.” She felt something touching her hair. Rey still felt his hands on her body so it couldn’t it have been them, then she realized Ben had kissed her head, her hair. Her heart melt at the soft gesture, and she cuddled herself tighter against his body.

“And I want to talk to you, Ben. I want to know about you. I want to tell you about me. I want to talk about us.” As Ben’s arm tightened around her, she felt her body growing heavier, and sleep creeping at the margins of her consciousness. “I want to do that, too,” was the last thing she heard, before her eyes fell close and sleep conquered her body.

* * *

This morning differed from the last one they had spent together. There was no fear spiking inside them. No dread filling every crevice of their bodies. They had not to be anywhere. Instead, this morning they woke up as they had fallen asleep – clinging to each other, using as each other as anchor to not lose themselves in a sea of uncertainty.

When Rey woke the first thing she noticed, was the heat emanating from Ben’s body, then the muscles she could fell under her hands, his thick thigh wedged between her legs. She tilted her head up and saw the most beautiful sight she had in a long time: a sleeping Ben with ruffled hair.

Something coiled in her stomach as her eyes wandered down his body. His nose she had seen twice buried between her thighs. The mouth that could so expertly elicit pleasure from her body. His wide chest that she could bury herself in. His muscled stomach that had felt pressed against her body.

Then her wandering eyes came to a halt, and she took a sharp breath. His cock was half-erect and visible to everyone. Rey gulped and instinctively ground her center against his leg. She managed to instantly rub her clit against his firm thigh and heat bloomed inside her. Rey tried to get control over herself back, but couldn’t stop a second grinding motion against Ben’s body.

With a grunt, the mountain of a man beneath awoke. “Ow…” he murmured, and Rey’s eyes shot up to his face. Then she noticed that she had clawed at him, when she had tried to stop herself to use his body as a masturbation device.

He opened his eyes, and they quickly found hers. Rey gulped again as she saw the fondness inside of them. All of this was a lot of sensation this early in the morning, and she desperately wanted to relieve some… any tension that was currently building itself up inside her body.

Ben shifted slightly as he tried to move to kiss her. His leg shifted against her center and Rey’s eyes widened. Did he notice how wet she had become? Ben’s movement had halted. “Oh.” The small sound escaped his mouth. Much too small for this big man.

Then fire entered his eyes, and he held his lips as close to hers as he could without touching them. “Is there something on your mind, sweetheart?” he asked her. But Rey didn’t know how to answer. She didn’t know what to do in this situation. She knew what she needed. She needed more Ben. But his smell, his hands touching her, this thigh brushing against her center, his lips so close to hers, his voice rumbling through her entire body, igniting every corner on its way, wasn’t improving her ability to focus. And then his endearment. ‘Sweetheart’. That word had instantly invaded her heart and sent fire to her veins.

Rey tried to open her mouth, tried to answer him, tried to form intelligible words. But out came only a whine. A desperate, needy whine. Rey blushed. “Don’t worry, my dear, I’m gonna take care of you.” Ben promised her and her blushed deepened. Using his muscular arms, he pulled Rey further on to his body, so she laid on top of him, her two slim legs bracketing one of his thighs. But his hands held her waist slightly above his body so she couldn’t apply pressure onto that small bundle of nerves like she wanted to.

“Ben…” Rey begged, the pleading visible in her eyes. “What, Rey? What do you need?” he asked her, prompted her to tell him what she wanted, there while his fingers were digging into the flesh of her hips, sending sparks through Rey’s body.

Ben was holding her, he was keeping her safe. He wanted to know what she needed. He told her he would take care of her. She just had to tell him. She just had to tell him what it was that she so desperately needed.

“Please, Ben, please,” Rey tried again, but needing was clouding her mind, yearning for relief. “Please, Ben, I…” she began her next attempt, “please make me come, please Ben.” She had gotten all the words out, had told him was she wanted. Her eyes waited for Ben’s reaction.

But she wasn’t prepared for that wondrous smile that appeared on Ben’s face. That smile that warmed her entire body, made her crave him even more. “Good girl,” he told her, and Rey couldn’t hold back a quiet moan. Then he pulled her body onto his thigh. The flesh of his leg creating friction against her center. Rey let out a whimper.

“Can you come like this, Rey?” he wanted to know. “If you grind yourself, can you come.” Rey hastily nodded. Yes, yes, she could come like this. She would come for him, only for him. She would use what Ben gave her to make herself come.

Rey sat back, so she could properly straddle his leg. Then she tilted her hips, so her clit could brush, brush and brush against his thigh. His hands were still holding her, and she let him steady her, she let him help her movement. She grabbed his arms with her hands to feel even more connection to him.

Ben had the best sight from where he was lying. He could see Rey’s entire upper body. He could see the muscles in her stomach constricting again and again, as she began her movement against his leg. He could she beautiful tits that had the perfect size to fit inside his hands or his mouth. He could see the blush that spread from them up to her face, slightly reddening her skin. He could see her mouth that stood open, letting small gasps escape. He could see her wonderful hazel eyes that she tried to keep open.

Rey fought to keep her eyes open, she wanted to look at Ben, wanted to observe his body as she rolled her own against his. But her eyes kept on closing, and her head kept lolling back. The feeling was just too much. It felt like Ben used her and his body to give her pleasure. He was pulling her body back and forth, she just went with it. He steadied her, she just held onto him.

And while she was moaning and gasping and saying his name, he pleasured her in praise. It made Rey’s mind swirl. The heat blooming inside her, the wetness increasing, her muscles shivering, her mind bathed in praise. And the tension inside her grew, and she couldn’t do anything else than hold on to him, hold on to Ben, or she would fall. But she wanted to fall, she wanted to fall into the pool of pleasure.

Then she heard Ben’s voice more clearly, felt his arms envelope her entire body. In that brief moment she managed to open her eyes, she saw that he had sat up. Her head fell forward onto his shoulder. His voice was directly at her ear. His words going straight forward into her brain. “Cum for me, Rey!” he ordered her. “Cum for me now.”

The low baritone of his voice, his chest rubbing at her nipples, his increased closeness finally triggered her orgasm. She clamped around Ben’s thigh. She felt how he held her tight. She felt safe to completely lose herself in the pleasure. She came. She dripped on his thigh, coated it with her liquids.

When she came back to herself, she wrapped her own arms around Ben’s chest, who still held her in his embrace. “Welcome back, sweetheart,” he told her, and not ready to answer him with words, she peppered small kisses alongside his jaw up to his mouth.

Ben welcomed her, pressing his lips against hers. Rey felt how good they matched to each other. As if they were completing what the other person was missing. She pushed some more fierceness into the kiss, slightly lifting herself. Ben let her take control, cherished the feeling of Rey pushing against him, pushing to take all of him.

She pushed her tongue into Ben’s open mouth. First feeling his teeth, then his own tongue. Goosebumps erupted on her skin as her tongue glided over his. Her hands cradled his head, she wanted to keep it right where it was, to keep kissing him like this, to keep this amazing feeling spreading through her body.

Images formed in her head. Images of her coming back home after her workday and have him standing in the kitchen. Skipping over to him and pulling him down to give him this exact same kiss. Feeling the cloth of his apron pressing against her shirt. Hearing his small gasps and moans as she consumed him.

Rey felt Ben’s head shift. She felt his teeth nipping at her lip. Heavily breathing, she pulled back. “If we keep on doing this,” Ben whispered to her, “we may get company, while not being really presentable.” Rey nodded and pressed one last closed mouth kiss on his mouth. Then she climbed off him, immediately missing him and his warmth.

“Do you have something to wear?” she asked him as her eyes traveled across his naked body. Ben nodded. “Yeah, in my car. I’ll just put these on, and get them and then I’ll come back and change here, okay?” Ben began to put on his clothes, as Rey observed him. An uneasy feeling began to spread at the corners of her content mental state. She nibbled at her lips, at exactly the same spot she had felt Ben’s teeth moments before.

“Should I get something for breakfast,” Ben asked her, but Rey shook her head. They had everything they needed here in this apartment. Then Ben walked over to the bed. He bent down to her and with wide eyes Rey stared at him. “I will only be gone for a minute or two. No longer, okay?” Rey nodded, tears building in her eyes.

The softness in Ben’s eyes increased as he saw her reaction. One of his hands stroked across her cheek and she leaned her head into the palm of his hand. “Do you want to go with me, Rey?” he offered her. She sniffled but shook her head. Rey pressed a kiss against his hand and then loosened it from her face. “I need to trust you, Ben.” She told him. “I need to trust you, that you’ll be back.”

Understanding filled Ben’s expression. “Okay,” he murmured. “Okay.” He pressed a last kiss on Rey’s lips. Before he could leave the room, she called out. “Keys are at the hook next to the door.” Ben turned back around and smiled at her. Then he left the room.

Rey breathed. In and Out and In and Out. Then she heard the door to her apartment open and shut. In and Out and In and Out. She continued breathing. Ben had said he would be back. And she was so sure he would be back, but trauma was a powerful thing, it questioned even the surest assurances. Rey continued to breathe. She closed her eyes. Heard only the static in her ears. How much time had passed? Half a minute? A quarter of an hour? Half a day? She didn’t know, she only focused on her breathing.

Then strong arms pulled her into an embrace. “Sweetheart, open your eyes for me, please.” The voice called out. It sounded so much like home. So comforting. So save. So _known_. The voice gave Rey the courage to open her eyes again. Dark brown eyes locked back at hers. Concern shining in them. Care for her. And something even deeper, something more powerful, something all-encompassing, something that looked a lot like lo…

Before Rey could finish her thought, her emotions overcame. She crushed herself against Ben’s firm chest. His breath leaving him in a huff. She dug her entire body into him, as if she wanted to leave a mark in the shape of her entire body. Her hands dug into his back, but Ben wasn’t stopping her. He held her as firm, gave her exactly what she needed, let her take everything she wanted.

“We have to get up, Rey,” Ben told her, but Rey kept her tight hold on to him. And then Ben felt Rey’s mouth gliding along his neck, right to the sensitive spot below his ear. He felt her giving the spot a soft kiss, then her teeth very cautiously gripped at the skin there, until she _sucked_. Ben couldn’t contain a moan and a tightening of his hands around her hips, so they would leave similar marks to the one she was just creating, only his would be much better hidden.

As the sensation filled Ben’s brain, he felt Rey releasing his skin, again pressing a soft and soothing kiss on the angry bruise she had carved into his skin. Rey stroked the mark with her thump while she was examining it. When she was content with her work, she got up from Ben’s lap and pulled him with her. “Now we can go.” She told him and grinned.

Ben kept her hand in his and let Rey pull him into the kitchen. He could still feel the spot where she had marked him and it filled him with so much hope and confidence, that she had chosen him and wanted everyone else to see it, that he didn’t think about the consequences of the prominent mark.

“Can you prepare breakfast? I want to wake Astra, so I can talk to her before she comes into the kitchen,” Rey asked him. Ben pressed a soft kiss against her lips, and Rey melted into him. It amazed them again and again how natural they felt while kissing, how intense these feelings were. “Go on,” Ben told her, and as Rey stepped past him, he gave her a light slap against her ass.

Mock-glaring Rey turned back to him, while continuing to go backward, but Ben could see the grin in her eyes and the small fire his action had ignited. Then the smile that had hidden in her eyes erupted on her face and quietly laughing, she went into Astra’s room.

Quietly, she walked over to her daughter’s bed and softly shook her shoulder. “Hey little one, time to wake up.” Groaning, Astra turned around, and her eyelashes began to flutter. “I have a surprise for you, Astra,” Rey coaxed her further. “Well, I don’t know if you will like the surprise, but it is a surprise.”

By now Astra was fully awake. The talk about surprises had done its job. “Morning, Mum,” she greeted Rey. “Good Morning,” Rey replied while stroking her daughter’s hair, but she couldn’t even really finish her sentence when Astra interrupted her. “What surprise? What is it?” Her daughter’s energy quickly climbed, when otherwise she took some time to fully wake up.

“You remember Ben,” Rey asked her. She wondered how her daughter would react to the man in her kitchen. They hit it off really well last Sunday, but now a week later it was a completely other question. If Astra was wary of him, they would have a long road in front of them. So Rey hoped for the best.

“Of course, I do!” Astra told her. “Why do you ask?” Rey hummed without replying, a joking glint in her eyes. “I told you there is a surprise. It is currently in the kitchen. And I asked if you are remembering Ben. Can you guess what the surprise is?”

First Astra was frowning, but then a light went on behind her eyes. “Is Ben in the kitchen?” she asked, already trying to move towards her door. “Go and check,” Rey told her daughter and laughed, while the younger girl ran out of the room in her pajamas.

Ben heard the quick pat of feet against the floor and turned just in time to see Astra dashing into the kitchen. As she saw him, she stopped immediately. “Ben.” She called out in a slightly too loud voice. “Ben, you are here!”

Then she hurried to him, but before she could reach him, she stopped again and frowned. “Can I hug you, Ben? Because Mum always tells me to ask before I do it. And I think I want to hug you. I didn’t see you the entire week. That were too many days! But now you are here. So, can I hug you?”

Ben laughed at the long speech and nodded. A wide smile replaced the frown on Astra’s face. Before Ben could bend or crouch down to hug Astra back, she had already slung her arms around his legs and hugged him with her cheek pressed against his hip. “Good morning, Ben,” she said and let go of him again.

Astra climbed on her own chair and continued talking to him. “Ben, you were gone the whole week,” she informed him. “Why are you here today? Why are you here so early?” She then wanted to know. By now Rey had rejoined them in the kitchen, but she stayed in the entrance to observe Ben and her daughter and to give them some room.

Ben knew about the importance of that question, and he wanted to let Astra know that he took her question seriously. So, he stopped preparing the breakfast and turned around to her to answer her. “You see, Astra, yesterday wasn’t a good day for me. I was sad and felt lonely.” Astra stared at him with wide eyes, completely focused on his answer, which seemed so important. Ben exchanged a quick look with Rey to know if it was okay how he was answering Astra’s question, and Rey smiled at him encouragingly.

“I needed someone, someone to talk to. And your mother was very nice and allowed me to sleep over here.” Astra’s eyes widened even more than Ben had thought possible. Scandalized, she turned around to her mother. “You had a sleep-over without me?” she wanted her to confirm Ben’s words.

Rey moved over to the table. “You were already asleep, when Ben arrived.” Astra still pouted. “You could have woken me up,” she insisted. Now Ben moved closer too. “Astra,” he began, and she started to turn to him again, “I was so tired, that we didn’t really do much. I don’t think we would have had much fun to be honest.”

“But I could have helped you!” She exclaimed. “Like you helped me in the store, I could have helped you!” Rey’s heart filled with love as she saw her daughter so concerned about the well-being of someone she had only met once before. Maybe it wouldn’t be so difficult to let her family grow, maybe it would all work out perfectly.

“I have an idea, Astra,” the child’s head turned back to her mother and listened intently. “How about we plan another sleep-over, this time with all three of us?” A wide smile appeared on Astra’s face. That was the right thing to say, apparently. While Ben continued to prepare breakfast, Astra told them all about the things they should do on that sleep-over.

“Can we please have the sleep-over tonight, please, please, please?” she begged them. Rey and Ben shared a look with each other. Both not completely sure about what the other person was thinking, even though they both wanted to keep spending time together. “What about your school tomorrow?” Ben asked. “I wouldn’t want you to be too tired.”

Rey bit her lip. Was Ben saying this to let her daughter down easily? Then Ben’s eyes wandered to her. “Or could we maybe start a bit earlier, so it won’t be a problem?” Ben offered as a solution to the problem he had opened up.

Rey decided to be brave. If Ben had suggested this, it meant he wanted to stay here, didn’t it? “We could definitely do that. And we can set an alarm for tomorrow, so you’re not late for work.” Surprise and recollection wandered over Ben’s face. Apparently, he had completely forgotten that part of last Monday. Rey giggled and nudged her feet against his legs. Ben smiled at her, then at Astra. “Then it’s decided. Tonight, I’ll stay here again. And we’ll watch a movie all together. And eat popcorn and have a night full of fun.” Ben proclaimed.

Ben and Rey sat next to Astra, and together the three enjoyed their breakfast. Rey smiled as she observed Ben and Astra’s intense conversation. They began with a story that Astra’s teacher had read in school and her daughter explained to Ben the entire story, and told him what she liked about it. Then she changed the conversation to the uncle and aunts she had – and told them where they all went with her.

When she had finished, and the breakfast was almost over, Rey suddenly stopped, her food mid-air, when she heard her daughter’s next question. “Do you have uncles and aunts, too?” She and Ben had talked about a lot of important things. About the connection they shared and both felt. About the longing to be together. But they didn’t know much about each other. Not really. Not the things you would normally talk about on dates and such.

At Astra’s question, Rey saw a shadow wandering through Ben’s eyes. Trying to gift him some comfort, she moved her leg, so it was pressed against his calf. Ben swallowed and threw a thankful look to her. Then he prepared himself to answer Astra’s question.

Ben hadn’t expected it. He hadn’t expected to talk about his parents and family to the woman he felt so insanely bound to, and her daughter. But maybe he should have. Talk about family, about work, about hobbies and life in general must be standard conversation topics, mustn’t they? Ben was glad about Rey’s silent support, but he could also sense her curiosity. If Ben wanted this to work, he had to be open. He knew that Rey was afraid. They may have decided to do this, to be together, but it wasn’t the most stable of relationships, not by a longshot.

But Ben wanted it to be. Ben wanted to grow together with the two women. So he decided to answer as openly as was possible for him in this moment. “Yes, I have aunts and uncles.” Astra and Rey patiently looked at him, waiting for him to continue. “Well, one aunt and several uncles, but only one of them is actually related to me.” He corrected himself.

He didn’t know if he should tell them more about his family, but Astra seemed to be really interested. Ben asked her if she wanted to know the names of them, and she nodded eagerly. “Okay, there is Aunt Amilyn. She is an old friend of my mother. They have worked together for a long time. Amilyn is pretty cool, but also strict. She knows what she wants, and then she gets it.

Then there is my Uncle Lando. He is a friend of my father. They often fight with each other, but it is always friendly. Uncle Chewie is also a friend of my father, but for a longer time than Lando. Chewie and Han are practically brothers. My father doesn’t know his family, so he and Chewie are really close.”

Rey tilted her head at Ben’s words. Suddenly the image she had of him changed slightly. It shifted, and she felt much safer now that she knew Ben had someone in his family who seemed to have a similar story and upbringing as she had. Ben had noticed Rey’s reaction, but didn’t comment on it.

Before he continued, he sighed. Hurt and weariness entered his eyes. “There is one more. My mother’s twin brother. His name is Luke. For a long time, we were really close, but…” Ben stopped himself. He didn’t know what to say, what was appropriate to say, what he could say without losing his hold on his emotions.

Rey placed her hands comfortingly on his hands. Ben looked up at her and then smiled at Astra. “Now you know my aunt and uncles.” He bopped her nose, and she crunched it, but then couldn’t stop her smile. The heaviness only moments before forgotten again until Astra asked her next question.

“Aunt Rose and Uncle Finn often meet and play with me. Do you do that, too? And do they get jealous? Because you have more uncles than I do. And then they can have less time with you. I think that would be a problem.” She explained to Ben, concern visible in her eyes as she wanted to know more about Ben and his family.

Ben stared back at Astra with wide eyes. He hadn’t expected her last question, but he’d expected this question even less. How could he tell her he hadn’t seen any of his family for several years? She seemed so concerned for his and their well-being, and unable to fathom that she may have identified a problem, that was totally inexistent, but not out of reasons, Astra would expect.

Helplessly Ben looked at Rey. He so desperately wanted her advice on how to answer her daughter’s question. But she didn’t fully understand his silent question, it seemed to him. And how could she? How could anyone understand or even imagine the drama of the Skywalker-family?

“What is it, Ben?” Rey asked him, and even Astra had noticed his disturbance, the chaos inside him. As her mother, she tried to soothe him by placing her small hand on top of theirs. “I… I…” Ben stuttered. “They don’t.” He then answered.

“They don’t what?” Rey coaxed him to explicate his hoarse answer.

“They don’t meet with me.” Ben couldn’t get out more words. Anger appeared in Rey’s eyes and confusion in Astra’s. “What do you mean, they don’t meet with you?” Rey demanded to know in a strained voice. Ben realized her anger wasn’t aimed at him. She was angry for him. She wanted to defend him. She thought… She thought… the wrong thing.

Ben needed to explain his situation better. His family didn’t bear the entire responsibility for the situation they were in. He had to explain better to Rey. He had to let her know. He couldn’t lie to her. He pulled his hands through his hair and leaned back in his chair. Ben closed his eyes to concentrate fully on his words with no distractions. “My family is complicated. I have… had a better relationship to my uncles and aunt than to my parents. When I was somewhat older than Astra, I became difficult.”

Now he opened his eyes again. Ben knew he had found the start of his explanation, and now he needed the strength Astra and Rey would hopefully give him to pull through. Ben turned to Astra. “I wasn’t as well-mannered as you. On the contrary. I was lonely and my parents weren’t like your mother. They didn’t spend time with me, except if I did something bad and they had to scold me.”

“That’s not nice.” Astra whispered, so transfixed on Ben’s words, she didn’t even notice she had interrupted him.

“No, Astra, it’s not. But I wasn’t nice, too. They send me to my uncle Luke. To live with him.” Now Rey was the one interrupting him. “Your parents send you away?” she asked in a stony voice and Ben nodded. “Yes. I went to the school, where he was the headmaster. But it wasn’t getting better. I had no friends. I was far away from my parents and the rest of my family. They didn’t come visit me.”

Ben swallowed hard. Reliving these memories weighed heavier than he had thought they would. “Then something happened. Something at the end of the school year. He… Luke…” Ben shook his head. “I left. I left and went to college. I joined the company I’m working for now. It’s an evil company, but I had nothing else. I haven’t spoken to any member of my family since then. I have no family anymore. I don’t think they want me back. They never looked for. It’s just me.” The words were leaving him rapidly.

Then something happened, neither Ben nor Rey had expected. Astra leaned over the table and took Ben’s big face into her small hands. “Don’t worry, Ben!” She told him. “We can be your family. We have a place for you.” Rey tried to stop a sob that wanted to escape her at her daughter’s gentleness and words. Ben’s own eyes filled with tears, too. “Thank you, Astra. That means a lot to me.”

After their intense breakfast talk, the three spend a more relaxing day together. While Rey and Astra prepared their apartment for the ‘sleep-over’, Ben drove back to his home to get everything he needed to sleep another night at Rey’s and to get to work the next day. Even though he dreaded to have to appear at the First Order.

Returning to the Johnsons during the afternoon, Ben sensed he could get used to these kinds of Sundays, spending them with the two other women. While being with them, he felt no loneliness, no longing for something he thought he could never have.

Likewise, Rey felt as if Ben was occupying a place in their little dynamic, that they hadn’t known was open to be filled. Not that this place need to be filled. Rey knew she and her daughter would have been happy even without Ben, but with Ben it was even better. It was less a completion and more an elevating addition.

* * *

When Astra was deep asleep, Rey and Ben laid down on her bed. Rey draped herself over Ben, letting one of her fingers wander across the plains of his naked chest. “Could you tell me more about your family?” She asked him, knowing that this wasn’t an easy topic. But Rey wanted to know more. Needed to know more – family was a topic where she had to know where Ben stood. Not only because it was important to her, but because she wanted to be able to support him.

“For a long time, I was angry at them. I was sure I would never need them again. I was sure I was better than them. But now, I know that I want to have them back. I miss them. But they don’t want me back, and I have to protect them. My mother is a politician and my father hasn’t always been on the right side of the law, but he does important work. Would my boss be interested in attacking them, he could easily harm them,” Ben answered her, taking strength from the fact that Rey was holding him too, had taken him in, wanted to give him a home.

“We’ll come back to missing your family and not being able to go back,” she promised Ben, but another topic had pushed itself in her focus. “Your boss isn’t a good man, is he?” she wanted to know from him.

Ben shook his head. “No, he isn’t. I thought I was smart enough to use the advantages he offered, without having to suffer the disadvantages. Snoke is cruel, and he was smarter than me. I’ve lost myself and don’t know if I can come back from that. I don’t know if I have the strength to be able to leave before he dies, and I am free.”

Rey turned slightly in Ben’s arms, so that her chest was pressed against his – only separated by a thin shirt. Ben could feel her nipples rub against him, but he focused on Rey’s face that hovered above his. “You are so strong, Ben.” Rey told him and kissed his nose. “What if you have found yourself, but couldn’t see it? What if the mountain, you think you cannot climb, can be ignored and you can take a new road, without that mountain?”

Rey saw the questioning look in Ben’s eyes. He wasn’t really understanding what she wanted to show him, so she decided to try a different way. “I was in a similar situation as you. Caged in a situation I detested. A beast guarding the exit. Plutt was my foster father, and I had worked for him at his garage. I didn’t know how to escape him. I saw no exit.”

Ben had gifted her his entire attention, and Rey loved it. He was entirely with her. Not judging, not knowing anything better, not patronizing. Ben was just with her, supporting her, caring for her. Loving her? Quickly she continued her story. “I became pregnant. I had always dreamed of leaving, finding my family. And there she was, growing inside of me. Instead of waiting for a moment to leave, I just left. My family gave me the strength of creating a new exit. My dream was stronger than reality.”

Again, Rey kissed him. First beneath his left eye, then his right. “What do you dream of, Ben? What is your most hidden dream?” Rey asked him, whispering. “You,” was Ben’s instant reply. “You and Astra. Having a family, a home. Having someone to love and having people who love me. Creating more family, more love.”

“Then that is your strength, Ben,” Rey told him. “That dream is all you need. Because I want it, too. I want you and Astra. I want a family with you. I want a home with you.” Then her mouth pressed against Ben’s, and he moaned. Rey used the small opening to enter his mouth with her tongue, slowly caressing each other.

Their kiss grew heated. Rey’s hands dug themselves into Ben’s hair, pulled and grabbed at it. Ben’s hands wandered to Rey’s ass, tightened around the flesh, massaging it. Rey ground her bare center against Ben’s clothed cock. Both moaning into each other.

Heaving, Rey pulled slightly back. “And I want to create more family with you, Ben. At some point. Little you’s and me’s.” Rey told him, but she wasn’t prepared for his reaction, for the fire she had ignited in his eyes.

Quickly Ben turned them around, and liquid heat erupted in Rey at the show of his dominance. She tightened her legs around Ben, squeezed them as tight as she could so he would never leave. Ben’s hands had left her backside and one staid at her hips. The other pressed against her stomach, right above the place where the heat was the strongest.

“You really want that, Rey?” Ben asked her. “You want me to fill you. To create life in you. To leave my seed right here.” He pressed his hand against her. “Leave it right here again and again.” Rey’s mind was clouding at this point, and she knew she was babbling. Several ‘yes’ and ‘please’ and moans were leaving her.

She grabbed Ben’s head again and smashed his mouth against hers, while at the same time trying to grind herself against him. Desperately searching for friction. “Please fuck me, Ben,” she begged him. “Please, please, please.”

“Are you going to be good for me, Rey?” Ben asked her. “Are you going to let me fuck you and come inside of you?” Ben ended each of his question with humping against her, giving her a hint of the pleasure he wanted to give her.

Rey continued to grab at him, trying to get him closer to her. “Yes, Ben.” She moaned. “Going to be so good, so so good.” She let one of her hands go of him and quickly grabbed his hand that was still pressed against her stomach. She took it and pulled it to her cunt, pressed it against the wet folds. “See how wet I am? How wet I am for you?” she asked him.

Ben pushed a finger into her, and together they moaned. “Beautiful Rey. You feel so tight. And so warm. So perfect for my cock. The perfect place for my cum.” Ben told her. Not really noticing what he was saying, just speaking to Rey, speaking his mind.

Rey whimpered as he pushed in and out of her. She could feel her pleasure rising, but it wasn’t enough. She wanted more. More of Ben. “No foreplay, no teasing, Ben” she told him. “Fuck me now, please, please.” Rey pleaded.

Ben made quick work of his shorts and then his cock laid above her pussy and Rey couldn’t take her eyes off it. She saw the big, red, angry erection pulsing against her folds. She saw how Ben lined himself up against her. When he pushed, Rey couldn’t contain her next moan, couldn’t stop her head from rolling to the side. It just felt too good, too much, and so wonderful.

She could feel how Ben stretched her, how he filled her more and more. She wanted him to fill her completely. So, when he came, his cum would be stored deep inside her. Rey felt Ben’s dick push inside her inch for inch until she felt his pelvis against hers.

“Ready?” Ben asked her. Wide-eyed, Rey stared at him. She didn’t know if she would ever accustom to how Ben was filling and enveloping her. He was all around inside and outside of her. She nodded at him, unable to let out any sound. Her hands trying to find hold at his back. Her nails slightly scratching him.

Now it was Ben who was groaning. He hooked his hands beneath her knees, pulled them up almost to her chest. Grinning, he saw Rey’s widen even more when he shifted slightly deeper into her. Ben lowered his mouth to her ear. “Now, I’m going to fuck you until you come. And then I will come deep inside you.”

Rey felt as if her heart would beat so intensely it would plop out of her chest. She did everything to prepare for that first thrust, but it was impossible. As soon as Ben began to fuck her, his dick deep inside her, her knees pressed against her, his mouth at her neck, she was gone.

Ben was thrusting into her with deep, steady, and punishing thrusts, while keeping praising her. Rey tried to hold on to everything around her, onto Ben’s body covering hers, onto his words in which she swam, onto his smell, his touch. But her mind was in a haze. She tried to meet Ben every time he filled her, but it was impossible from their position.

Rey just had to take. She had to take his rough strokes into her. She had to take his praise. She had to take the comforting weight of him on her. And she loved. She felt the familiar feeling arise in her limbs, all her heat running to her center.

Trying to hide her face in Ben’s neck, she begged him for more. Rey needed just a little more stimulation to fall over the edge. Ben seemed to have drawn the right conclusions by her quivering cunt and the whimpers escaping her.

His hands left her knees after pulling her legs over his shoulders. Rey’s eyes shot open, as did her mouth, when one of Ben’s hands found her clit and rubbed over it, and the other found one of her tits and stimulated her nipple.

Ben’s mouth wandered to that sensitive spot under her earlobe and kissed and sucked there. This new position was almost uncomfortable, but Rey was glad that she was so flexible and so close to her orgasm.

She needed just a few more thrusts against that spot in her and his thick finger pressing against her clit. Then Rey felt the first flutter of Ben’s strokes. “Come with me, Rey!” He told her. “Come with me, while I’m filling you.”

Having stepped over the edge, all what Rey wanted to do was fall. Her cunt clenched rhythmically around Ben’s dick. Rey bit into his shoulder to muffle herself as she came. Her legs tried to clutch around his neck, and then she felt Ben stopping, pressing as tight against her as possible, spilling himself into her, as he fastened his mouth against her neck to quieten his own hoarse moans.

They waited out the afterglow of their shared orgasms together. Rey didn’t want to let Ben go and kept her arms around him, bathing in their shared experience while Ben murmured sweet endearments into her ear.

Ben also didn’t want to end their intimate embrace, he wanted to stay as close to Rey as possible. But at some point, they had to separate again. Both whimpered as Ben pulled out of her. When Rey stood up, Ben took one of her hands. She leaned down to him and kissed him softly. “Just have to go to the bathroom quickly.” She told him.

Ben pulled her down for another quick kiss and then let her go. When she returned, Rey stopped in the doorframe and smiled at him. “What?” Ben asked. Slowly, she pranced toward him. “We’re lucky I’m on birth control. We couldn’t have done that otherwise.” Wordlessly, he hummed an agreement.

Rey climbed onto the bed and straddled Ben. Then her eyes fell to his shoulder and a worried glance found its way onto her face. “Oh my god, Ben. I didn’t know I bit you that hard.” She told him and looked back at his eyes.

But Ben didn’t stop smiling and pulled Rey down to him. “Don’t worry, Rey. I liked it.” Questioningly, she looked up at him and he pressed a kiss against her forehead. Rey’s eyes involuntarily closed as his lips connected with her skin. “I enjoy wearing your marks on me.”

At his words, Rey blushed and cuddled more into Ben. She kissed the spot where her teeth-marks were visible. “It does look very good,” she commented. Her fingers resumed their now usual spiel of wandering across his chest. It soothed Ben and made him sleepy, to feel Rey this close and exploring his skin.

“Let’s go to sleep, Rey, we both have work tomorrow.” He told her, and tightened his arms around her, so she couldn’t leave him in their sleep. Rey murmured some unintelligible words in reply and closed her eyes, too.

No one of them saw the small GPS-symbol on Ben’s company-issued phone plop up for a few seconds until it disappeared again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As with this chapter, the next chapter will be uploaded in one to two weeks.


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